Over the last three weeks, I’ve discussed various aspects of writing dialogue and dialogue tags. I’ve covered:

• Tips for writing realistic dialogue in fiction
• Why “said” is the most effective speaker attribution
• Tips for writing strong action beats

Today I’m looking at three more options for writing dialogue tags:

• Body language
• Dialogue cues
• Interior monologue

In terms of style and punctuation, body language, dialogue cues, and interior monologue are all treated as action beats. They are complete sentences, so the dialogue ends with a period, not a comma. For example:

“Welcome.” His voice was deep and smooth.

Not:

“Welcome,” his voice was deep and smooth.

(Check out this post for more tips on punctuating dialogue in fiction.)

However, the way you write body language, dialogue cues, and interior monologue will depend on who is the point of view character in the scene. For example, the above line clearly isn’t from the point of view of the speaker. A point of view character is unlikely to think of their voice as low and smooth in normal circumstances. But they might if they were trying to manipulate someone:

“Welcome.” He modulated his tone so it was deep and smooth. Welcoming. Comforting.

If the point of view is the love interest, the line might be:

“Welcome.” His voice was deep and smooth, like hot chocolate on a cold day.

Or:

“Welcome.” His voice was deep and smooth, like fine whisky. Sexy, with a hint of a kick.

Body Language

We don’t only communicate by what we say. We also communicate through our body language and facial expressions. Improving the way we write nonverbal communication will improve our overall manuscripts by adding an additional layer to our work, which makes our books more engaging for readers.

In real life, when the words and the actions don’t match, we believe the actions. The same is true in fiction. That’s why we shouldn’t need to use telling tags like “she joked” or “she lied”. That should be obvious from the dialogue … or from the subtext.

Body language is a way of showing the underlying emotions in a scene, the subtext, or what’s going on beneath the surface. Margie Lawson calls subtext “the psychological message behind the words”.

Have you ever read a romance novel where you just know the hero is secretly in love with the heroine, even though he hasn’t said anything or done anything overtly to give you that impression? That’s subtext, and makes for a powerful reading experience.

When writing body language, it’s important to remember which is character is the point of view character.

If the point of view character blushes, they can probably might feel the heat rising up their face. But they can’t see they’ve turned red (unless they’re looking in a mirror, and that’s a cliche to avoid where possible). They can only assume they’ve turned red based on the heat. For example:

“Welcome.” He was here? Now? She’d done what? How mortifying. The heat rose from her chest to her scalp, and she didn’t need a mirror to know she must be the colour of beetroot.

Equally, if another character blushes, the point of view character can only mention what they can see—the rising redness. Heat is implied, but they can’t mention the heat without first showing the visual cue. For example:

“Welcome.” Her face turned redder than beetroot in the time it took her say the two short syllables. He could probably fry an egg on her cheeks.

Dialogue Cues

Writing instructor Margie Lawson coined this phrase to refer to physiological reactions that give the reader a subliminal psychological cue. Dialogue cues use vocal cues to force the reader to read between the lines, to see the subtext in the character interactions. This also shares subtext.

See www.margielawson.com and her lecture packets on Empowering Character’s Emotions, and Writing Body Language and Dialogue Cues Like a Psychologist

For example:

• At what volume is the character speaking? Is their voice loud or quiet?
• What tone of voice is the character using? Do they sound angry or tired?
• How does the character speak? With a drawl or a twang?
• Is their voice harsh or soft?
• Is the character speaking quickly or slowly? Is that how they normally speak, or is their ?
• Does their voice lift or drop to emphasise certain words or phrases?

What do the answers to these questions tell us about the character’s background, personality, and emotional state? We can then use dialogue cues to show the reader more information than is simply in the dialogue. For example:

“Welcome.” Her voice was low, deep, mysterious. Sultry. As though she hid the secrets of the ages in that one word.

Compared with:

“Welcome.” Her voice was bright and cheery, too bright and cheery. The kind of bright and cheery that suggested she was anything but.

That’s written from the point of view of a character observing the speaker. If the point of view character was the speaker, it would read more like:

“Welcome.” Her voice was bright and cheery, too bright and cheery. She’d need to tone down the cheery or they’d know something was wrong.

Interior Monologue

Interior monologue is what your point of view character is thinking, expressed in their own voice. This is the recommended approach for expressing thought in modern fiction, whether contemporary or historical: quotation marks and tags for direct thought are now considered old-fashioned:

Never, ever use quotes with your interior monologue. It is not merely poor style; it is, by today’s standards, ungrammatical. Thoughts are thought, not spoken.

Renni Browne and Dave King, Self-Editing for Fiction Writers

Using italics for direct thought is also discouraged, because this is telling where the author should be showing.

Instead, take the reader into the point of view character’s mind, and show us the scene from their point of view. Use language and ideas the point of view character would use. For example, a modern teenage girl is more likely to have a crush on Liam Hemsworth than Robert Redford.

This helps the reader know the character better. The better the reader knows the character, the more likely she is to empathise and feel the character’s emotions. It’s stronger writing.

The general rules of Point of View are:

• There must only be one point of view character in each scene (more than one is referred to as ‘head-hopping’).
• The point of view character should be the individual most affected by the actions in that scene.
• The first name mentioned in a scene should be that of the viewpoint character.

If you can remember those three rules, you’ll be halfway to writing good interior monologue.

I’ll be back next week with tips on writing strong interior monologue.