Home » Interior Monologue

Tag: Interior Monologue

Can There be Too Much Dialogue in a Novel?

#WriteTip | Can There be Too Much Dialogue in a Novel?

This is another question I’ve seen authors ask online. It’s a good question. Dialogue is a necessary part of fiction, because dialogue it drives a lot of the plot.

But it is possible to have too much dialogue?

I suspect the answer is yes. It is possible to have too much dialogue. And like the old story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, it’s also possible to have too little.

As with Goldilocks, it’s partly a matter of taste. Some readers like fast-paced dialogue-heavy genres. Other readers prefer slower-paced narrative-heavy literary fiction. It’s a matter of personal style and author voice. But there are some instances where there can be too much or too little dialogue, and that’s often a writing issue rather than a style preference.

Too Much Dialogue

Too much dialogue, and the reader will start feeling that nothing is happening. And they’d be right. Dialogue without action is doesn’t move the story forward—in real life, or in fiction.

When else can we have too much dialogue?

  • When the dialogue isn’t adding to the plot.
  • When the dialogue is telling, not showing.
  • When the dialogue is telling and showing.
  • When the dialogue overwhelms the action.
  • When the dialogue is too predictable.

Lets look at each of these:

When the dialogue isn’t adding to the plot

Each scene in a novel has multiple purposes:

A good scene will enrich character, provide necessary information to the audience and move the plot forward.

Les Standiford in The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing

In the same way, good dialogue will enrich character, provide necessary information, and move the plot forward. This means avoiding conversations where nothing happens. Small talk is a natural part of everyday life, but it’s something we should avoid when writing fiction. If there is apparent small talk, then it should serve a larger purpose e.g. foreshadowing a future event.

Click here for information on foreshadowing, not telegraphing.

When the dialogue is telling, not showing.

One of the primary “rules” of modern fiction writing is to show, not tell. In general, dialogue is a form of action, and action is showing. As such, it’s easy to think there can’t be too much dialogue in a novel.

Click here for more guidance on showing, not telling.

In theory, dialogue is showing where narration is telling. But not always.

Sometimes there is an “as you know, Bob” conversation.

This is where two characters spend pages and pages sharing information they already know. That’s not a conversation real people would have in real life. It’s telling, because it’s the author using dialogue to share backstory or an info dump.

The fix here is to determine exactly what information the reader needs to know at this point of the story, and share it through a single line of dialogue, or through interior monologue.

Sometimes the conversation is shown rather than the action.

In this case, two characters sit down over a cup of tea or a meal and share information about an event that’s just occurred. This is different from the “as you know, Bob” conversation in that only one person in the conversation knows what happened, so the other person is learning this information at the same time as the reader. However, it’s still telling.

The fix here is to determine whether the events being related are significant enough to write as a scene. If so, write them as a scene. If not, keep the conversation brief and ensure the plot keeps moving forward.

When the dialogue is telling and showing.

Sometimes an author will show a conversation where a proposed future action is being discussed. For example, the teenagers are planning a party, or the Navy SEALs are planning their hostage rescue attempt. They will then show the event—the party or the rescue.

The problem here is that they are showing the same scene twice. If everything goes according to plan, it’s repetition. And while words or phrases can be repeated for effect, the same isn’t true at the scene level.

Also, readers have been trained to expect that we won’t read the same scene twice.

If we see the characters planning the party or the rescue attempt, we then expect it to go wrong. If it doesn’t, we wonder why the planning scene was included (and we’re secretly disappointed). However, this combination of scenes can be used to add tension when you do plan for something to go wrong. Your reader expects something to go wrong, but they don’t know what or when.

The fix is easy: if you show the planning scene and the action scene, cut the planning scene or tighten it to focus on the point where something will go wrong in the execution of the plan.

When the dialogue overwhelms the action.

A good novel has a balance between action, dialogue, and narration. Adding dialogue adds white space to the page. This gives the impression of pace in fiction, not least because dialogue tends to be short sentences and paragraphs.

In contrast, interior monologue and narration tend to have longer sentences and paragraphs, even when that narration is describing action. Too many long sentences and paragraphs, and the text will feel dense to the reader. They may start skipping (and they’ll probably be skipping ahead to the dialogue).

The fix here is to make sure each page has a balance of dialogue, action, interior monologue, and narrative.

When the dialogue is too predictable

We want to avoid predictable dialogue, in the same way as we want to avoid predictable plots. If the reader can predict the next line of dialogue, why do they need to read it? They don’t. And give them too many lines of predictable dialogue, and they’ll start skipping.

Some instructors warn writers against writing “on the nose” dialogue. That’s another way of saying predictable dialogue.

The fix is to mix up your dialogue. Have your characters give an unexpected response, or change the subject (something which is entirely normal in regular conversation).

Too Little Dialogue

It’s also possible to have too little dialogue. This is just as much of a problem as too much dialogue, because it can slow the pace of the novel and give the impression the plot isn’t moving forward. The main reason a novel has too little dialogue is because it has too much of something else—usually description or interior monologue.

Too much description

We need some description in our novels. In particular, it’s important to anchor the reader in the setting at the beginning of each scene. But too much description soon becomes telling, which is a problem.

Too much interior monologue

The other too much is interior monologue. While interior monologue is generally showing, too much can easily become telling. In particular, be wary of interrupting dialogue for long passages of interior monologue. Too much introspection and the reader can lose the plot—literally. I’ve read novels where I’ve had to turn back two or three pages when a character speaks so I can remember what was last said.

Click here to read my tips for writing interior monologue.

The fix here is to use interior monologue as a form of speaker attribution, but keep it to a sentence or two, and make sure the conversation (and the plot) keep moving forward.

Yes, there can be too much dialogue in a novel. There can also be too little. If you can be like Goldilocks and make sure your dialogue is just right, you’ll keep your readers happy.

Writing Strong Interior Monologue

Write Tip | Writing Strong Interior Monologue (an #AuthorToolBoxBlogHop post)

This post is part of the monthly Author ToolBox Blog Hop, organised by Raimey Gallant. We now have over 40 blogs participating. To find more Blog Hop posts:

Writing Strong Interior Monologue

Last week, I suggested three alternatives to action beats. Today I’m going into more detail about one of these, interior monologue. As I’ve said, interior monologue is one of three main ways authors indicate when a character is thinking:

1. Quotation marks

2. Italics

3. Interior monologue

Quotation Marks

I was taught that double quotation marks indicated spoken dialogue, while single quotation marks indicated unspoken thought. However, it’s now common to use single quotation marks to indicate spoken dialogue. It would seem odd to then use double quotation marks to indicate unspoken thought, and it would probably confuse readers.

As such, it is no longer considered correct to use quotation marks.

Italics for Direct Thought

One solution to this dilemma is to use italics to indicate direct thought. Italics do distinguish unspoken thought from spoken dialogue, but there are disadvantages:

Long passages of italics are more difficult to read.

Italics can slow the pacing of the scene, and overuse of italics can confuse and annoy the reader.

Point of View

Direct thought is always first person present tense, whereas most novels are written in third person and past tense. Switching from third to first person and past to present tense can come across as a glitch.

Italics presume characters think in words.

There is another issue with both using quotation marks and italics to indicate thought: both presume that the characters think in words … and that’s not always the case. Apparently, only a quarter of the population think exclusively in words.

The rest either use visual/spatial thinking (30%) or a combination of visual/spatial thinking and thinking in words. Other recognised forms of non-verbal thought include, kinesthetic, musical, and mathematical thinking. If your character doesn’t think in words, using italics for direct thought might feel wrong as it’s emphasising the words over the impressions and feelings.

But how can we use acknowledge non-verbal thought in our writing? The best way is to use interior monologue.

Interior Monologue

Interior monologue is what your point of view character is thinking, expressed in their own voice. This is the preferred style for modern fiction, whether contemporary or historical. With interior monologue, the reader assumes the viewpoint character is narrating the story, so assumes everything is shown from that character’s point of view.

This means getting inside your character’s head and telling the story through that character’s eyes and ears, and in their voice. Any time the narration steps outside the character’s head, we have a point of view violation. Sometimes we hop into another character’s head—that’s called headhopping. Sometimes we hop into the author’s head—that’s called an author intrusion.

So here are some tips for writing solid and engaging interior monologue:

Stay in the Point of View Character’s Head

Modern writing tends to stay in one character’s head for an entire scene. If the point of view does change, this can be indicated by a scene break (e.g. ***), or by starting a new chapter. But don’t be like the author I saw who added *** between each paragraph because they couldn’t be bothered to rewrite the novel to eliminate the headhopping.

My personal preference is to only add a break if there is a new scene, which usually means a change in time, location, or point of view character. (And check out Scene and Structure by Jack Bickham for an in-depth analysis on how to write a scene.)

Staying in the character’s head means the reader can only experience what the character experiences. We can only:

  • See what the character can see. If the door opens behind the character, we can’t know who comes through that door unless the character turns around, or there is some other cue (e.g. the person they’re with says “Hi, John,” or there is a convenient mirror).
  • Notice what the character would notice. A botanist would probably call a flower by its Latin name. A keen gardener or a florist might know a flower by its Latin name, but could use the common name. A child might refer to the flower as the pink one with the nice smell.
  • Hear what the character can hear (or not, if the character has a hearing impairment). If a character is mumbling under their breath, it’s likely the point of view character won’t hear all the words. Show that.
  • Say what the character would say. An uneducated character will use different vocabulary than a more educated character, and their dialogue should reflect that. Equally, their interior monologue should reflect their unique character voice.
  • Know what the character would know. If your character is a telepath, then they will know what another character is thinking. Non-telepaths can’t know what other characters are thinking. They can only infer thoughts and feelings from spoken dialogue, body language, or other external cues (e.g. how the character is speaking).

Change Scenes to Change Heads

If you want to write the story from more than one point of view, you can. But introduce the new character at the beginning of a new scene by ensuring their name is the first name mentioned in the new scene. This tells the reader there is a new point of view character, and that the interior monologue is from the viewpoint of that new character.

Four tips for writing strong interior monologue (and why it's a better option than using italics for direct thought) #WriteTip. Click To Tweet

Avoid Adding Narrative Distance

When you show the reader what the character can see or hear or smell or touch or feel, show them directly. Don’t add filter words—words that add a layer of distance between the character and the reader—because they are telling what you should be showing.

Words which indicate the author is adding narrative distance include:

  • Feel (felt, feeling)
  • See (saw, look, looked, glanced, noticed)
  • Hear (heard, listened)
  • Think (thought, wondered, pondered, realised, knew, remembered)

Readers don’t need to be told the character can see or hear or feel. Nor do readers need to be told what the character is thinking—if you’re writing interior monologue correctly, the reader knows all the narrative is the character’s own thoughts. And the deeper you can go into that character’s mind, the stronger and more engaging your novel will be.

Because that’s what readers want: an engaging story.

Three Alternatives to Action Beats

Write Tips | Three Alternatives to Action Beats

Over the last three weeks, I’ve discussed various aspects of writing dialogue and dialogue tags. I’ve covered:

Today I’m looking at three more options for writing dialogue tags:

  • Body language
  • Dialogue cues
  • Interior monologue

In terms of style and punctuation, body language, dialogue cues, and interior monologue are all treated as action beats. They are complete sentences, so the dialogue ends with a period, not a comma. For example:

“Welcome.” His voice was deep and smooth.

Not:

“Welcome,” his voice was deep and smooth.

(Check out this post for more tips on punctuating dialogue in fiction.)

However, the way you write body language, dialogue cues, and interior monologue will depend on who is the point of view character in the scene. For example, the above line clearly isn’t from the point of view of the speaker. A point of view character is unlikely to think of their voice as low and smooth in normal circumstances. But they might if they were trying to manipulate someone:

“Welcome.” He modulated his tone so it was deep and smooth. Welcoming. Comforting.

If the point of view is the love interest, the line might be:

“Welcome.” His voice was deep and smooth, like hot chocolate on a cold day.

Or:

“Welcome.” His voice was deep and smooth, like fine whisky. Sexy, with a hint of a kick.

Body Language

We don’t only communicate by what we say. We also communicate through our body language and facial expressions. Improving the way we write nonverbal communication will improve our overall manuscripts by adding an additional layer to our work, which makes our books more engaging for readers.

In real life, when the words and the actions don’t match, we believe the actions. The same is true in fiction. That’s why we shouldn’t need to use telling tags like “she joked” or “she lied”. That should be obvious from the dialogue … or from the subtext.

Body language is a way of showing the underlying emotions in a scene, the subtext, or what’s going on beneath the surface. Margie Lawson calls subtext “the psychological message behind the words”.

Have you ever read a romance novel where you just know the hero is secretly in love with the heroine, even though he hasn’t said anything or done anything overtly to give you that impression? That’s subtext, and makes for a powerful reading experience.

When writing body language, it’s important to remember which is character is the point of view character.

If the point of view character blushes, they can probably might feel the heat rising up their face. But they can’t see they’ve turned red (unless they’re looking in a mirror, and that’s a cliche to avoid where possible). They can only assume they’ve turned red based on the heat. For example:

“Welcome.” He was here? Now? She’d done what? How mortifying. The heat rose from her chest to her scalp, and she didn’t need a mirror to know she must be the colour of beetroot.

Equally, if another character blushes, the point of view character can only mention what they can see—the rising redness. Heat is implied, but they can’t mention the heat without first showing the visual cue. For example:

“Welcome.” Her face turned redder than beetroot in the time it took her say the two short syllables. He could probably fry an egg on her cheeks.

Dialogue Cues

Writing instructor Margie Lawson coined this phrase to refer to physiological reactions that give the reader a subliminal psychological cue. Dialogue cues use vocal cues to force the reader to read between the lines, to see the subtext in the character interactions. This also shares subtext.

See www.margielawson.com and her lecture packets on Empowering Character’s Emotions, and Writing Body Language and Dialogue Cues Like a Psychologist

For example:

  • At what volume is the character speaking? Is their voice loud or quiet?
  • What tone of voice is the character using? Do they sound angry or tired?
  • How does the character speak? With a drawl or a twang?
  • Is their voice harsh or soft?
  • Is the character speaking quickly or slowly? Is that how they normally speak, or is their ?
  • Does their voice lift or drop to emphasise certain words or phrases?

What do the answers to these questions tell us about the character’s background, personality, and emotional state? We can then use dialogue cues to show the reader more information than is simply in the dialogue. For example:

“Welcome.” Her voice was low, deep, mysterious. Sultry. As though she hid the secrets of the ages in that one word.

Compared with:

“Welcome.” Her voice was bright and cheery, too bright and cheery. The kind of bright and cheery that suggested she was anything but.

That’s written from the point of view of a character observing the speaker. If the point of view character was the speaker, it would read more like:

“Welcome.” Her voice was bright and cheery, too bright and cheery. She’d need to tone down the cheery or they’d know something was wrong.

Interior Monologue

Interior monologue is what your point of view character is thinking, expressed in their own voice. This is the recommended approach for expressing thought in modern fiction, whether contemporary or historical: quotation marks and tags for direct thought are now considered old-fashioned:

Never, ever use quotes with your interior monologue. It is not merely poor style; it is, by today’s standards, ungrammatical. Thoughts are thought, not spoken.
Renni Browne and Dave King, Self-Editing for Fiction Writers

Using italics for direct thought is also discouraged, because this is telling where the author should be showing.

Body language, dialogue cues, and interior monologue are three alternatives to action beats (and dialogue tags). #WriteTip #WritersLife Click To Tweet

Instead, take the reader into the point of view character’s mind, and show us the scene from their point of view. Use language and ideas the point of view character would use. For example, a modern teenage girl is more likely to have a crush on Liam Hemsworth than Robert Redford.

This helps the reader know the character better. The better the reader knows the character, the more likely she is to empathise and feel the character’s emotions. It’s stronger writing.

The general rules of Point of View are:

  • There must only be one point of view character in each scene (more than one is referred to as ‘head-hopping’).
  • The point of view character should be the individual most affected by the actions in that scene.
  • The first name mentioned in a scene should be that of the viewpoint character.

If you can remember those three rules, you’ll be halfway to writing good interior monologue.

I’ll be back next week with tips on writing strong interior monologue.

Using Point of View to Engage Readers

Shaping the Diamond Part One (Using Point of View to Engage Readers)

Last week I looked at the types of point of view we use in fiction. This week I’m looking at point of view from another perspective—why it’s important. The main reason we need to use deep perspective point of view is because it’s a great way to engage readers by making them feel part of the story:

As the distinction between narrator and character blurs, the distance between them shrinks, and so does the distance between reader and character.
– David Jauss, On Writing Fiction

This is especially useful in genres such as romance, women’s fiction and young adult fiction, where readers want to feel part of the story.

As an added bonus, proper use of deep perspective point of view helps prevent some of the most common issues I see in fiction manuscripts:

  • Headhopping and Author Intrusion
  • Writing Character’s Thoughts
  • Telling, not showing

Today I’m going to cover headhopping, author intrusion, and writing character’s thoughts. I’ll look at showing and telling next week.

Headhopping

Changing the point of view character in a scene is referred to as headhopping, which can be confusing for the reader. For example, the following paragraph shows three viewpoints in three sentences, first Alice, then Ben, then Dr Cook:

It was all too much for Alice. She turned, clung to Ben’s lapels and sobbed. Her heart was breaking. Ben held her against his chest and allowed the grief of years to be brutalised by hope. Dr Cook looked on benignly, waiting for her grief to subside before he continued with his examination.

This should be revised so the entire paragraph is from the viewpoint of a single character, the character who is most affected by the actions in that scene. This character should be named first, so the reader knows who is the point of view character in the scene.

Remember, a scene has a specific structure (which I discussed when I visited Seekerville). Adding a line break and *** does not create a new scene.

Yes, I’ve seen it done.

I think the author was breaking up the narrative into “scenes” to show she understood the rule of only having one point of view character per scene. But my reaction was that either she didn’t know how to write a proper scene, or that she was too lazy to revise her manuscript properly. Either way, the substandard writing showed a lack of respect for her potential readers.

Author Intrusion

If you’re using deep perspective point of view properly, the story is being told through the eyes of your characters. Author intrusion is when you slip out of the character’s viewpoint and tell the story as the author. An author intrusion can be as simple as one wrong word—an English character who says y’all or pavement. An American who says boot instead of trunk. A high school dropout who talks about serendipity.

For example, I have blonde hair courtesy of an excellent hairdresser. I might look in the mirror and think it’s time to get my roots touched up, but I’m not going to think of my hair colour if that’s not the focus of the scene:

The wind blew Alice’s carefully coiffured blonde hair everywhere.

It’s boring, right? Instead, deepen the point of view:

The gentle breeze whipped into a frenzy, blowing Alice’s hair everywhere–in front of her eyes, into her mouth. So much for the half-hour she’d spend drying and styling a professional coiffure for her job interview.

Author intrusion can also be more noticeable moralising and editorialising—the kind of preachiness which once gave Christian fiction a bad name (I think most authors now know better).

To avoid author intrusion, remember that every word needs to be consistent with what your viewpoint character can see or hear, or what they would think. Nothing more.

Writing Character’s Thoughts

There are three ways to show character thoughts in fiction, but only one I recommend—interior monologue. I’ll discuss the other two so you know why I don’t recommend them.

Quotation Marks

I have seen people ask how you tell the difference between character thought and character dialogue. The rule I learned in school was to use one quotation mark for character thought (‘like this’) and two for dialogue (“like this”).

That’s a useful rule to remember if you’re reading fiction from the 1950’s or earlier, but this approach is now considered wrong:

Never, ever use quotes with your interior monologue. It is not merely poor style; it is, by today’s standards, ungrammatical. Thoughts are thought, not spoken.
– Renni Browne and Dave King, Self-Editing for Fiction Writers

In the same way, don’t use thinker attributions (e.g. she thought). These indicate you’re using a distant point of view rather than deep perspective:

Princess Elizabeth sat waiting in the Royal quarters of the Tower of London. ‘I should be grateful I’m not in a regular prison cell,’ she thought. ‘The room is warm, and the food is as fine as I eat at home.’

Thinker attributions signal to agents, publishers, editors, and readers that you don’t know (or don’t understand) deep perspective point of view.

Direct Thought

Many authors choose to use italics to indicate direct thought:

Princess Elizabeth sat waiting in the Royal quarters of the Tower of London. I should be grateful I’m not in a regular prison cell.

However, there are disadvantages to this approach as well:

  • Italics are only effective for a few words or a short sentence. Any longer, and they become difficult to read.
  • Italics can slow the pacing of the scene.
  • Overuse of italics will annoy the reader (and my reader view is that most authors who use italics do overuse them).
  • Direct thought in italics changes the point of view of the scene from third person to first person present tense and back again . This change can be jarring for the reader.
  • Direct thought is telling where the author should be showing.

Interior Monologue

Interior monologue is what your point of view character is thinking, expressed in his or her own voice. There is no need for thoughts to be identified as such, because the rules of third person narration from a specific viewpoint character (or first person narration) imply this is the character whose interior monologue we are reading.

Interior monologue is favoured because:

  • It is showing, not telling.
  • Interior monologue doesn’t interrupt the flow of the story the way italics do, because it is the same tense and font as the rest of the story.
  • It forces the reader (and author) into the mind of the point of view character, which helps them know the character better. The better the reader knows the character, the more likely she is to empathise and feel the character’s emotions.

Interior monologue is stronger writing. It’s the writing which most engages me as a reader. If you want your reader to engage with your characters and experience their tragedies and joys, use interior monologue and deep perspective point of view.

Thinking Aloud

Some authors write scenes where a character appears to be talking to himself or herself, in that their words are set in quotation marks. But they’re alone in a room, so who are they talking to? As shown above, this can give a scene a slightly ‘off’ feel.

It’s rarely a good idea to have your characters mumble to themselves or speak under their breath… it’s almost always going to come off as a contrivance.
– Angela Hunt, Point of View

Prayer

Note that prayer is different from thinking aloud, because we’re talking to Someone (God). Prayer can be:

  • Spoken out loud (indicated by quotation marks).
  • Direct thought (indicated by italics).
  • Interior monologue.

The right choice will depend on your character and the situation—she might normally be a pray-out-loud type, but she’s likely to pray silently when she’s hiding from the maniac with the gun.

Italics

As shown above, italics can be used for direct thought. They can also be used for emphasis. However, it’s easy to overuse both, so my view is it’s best to avoid the problem by not using italics for direct thought or emphasis at all. Instead, only use italics where they are the only correct choice:

  • Book and magazine titles
  • The name of a movie, TV series or play
  • Words from other languages
  • Specific names of ships, trains or planes (e.g. the USS Enterprise)

When italics for emphasis are overused, they are telling where the author should be showing. It’s the typographical equivalent of laughing at your own joke, or asking ‘did you get it?’.

I’ll be back next week to share the other way we can use point of view to engage readers: through showing, not telling.

Meanwhile, do you have any questions on deep perspective point of view?