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Author: Iola

I provide professional freelance manuscript assessment, copyediting and proofreading services for writers of Christian fiction and non-fiction books, stories and articles. I also review Christian novels at www.christianreads.blogspot.com.

Should I Write in First Person or Third Person Point of View?

#WriteTips | Should I Write in First Person or Third Person Point of View?

Yes 🙂

You should definitely write your novel in first person or third person point of view. But which do you choose, and what are the other alternatives? Let’s look at the alternatives first.

Yes, you should definitely write your novel in first person or third person point of view. But which do you choose, and what are the alternatives? #WriteTip Share on X

Depending on who you ask, there are between three and twenty-seven different points of view in fiction. No, I can’t imagine how they get to twenty-seven either. I see four points of view in common use:

  • First person
  • Second person
  • Third person
  • Omniscient

Let’s look at each of these points of view, and discuss when it might be a good option.

First Person

First person point of view uses the “I” pronoun: I made breakfast, and I drank my coffee. As such, the narrator is speaking directly to the reader. First person takes the reader into the head of the narrator and is highly engaging when done properly.

Most novels written in first person have a single point of view character. Some have more than one point of view, although this does mean convincing the reader that both “I” characters . The challenge with multiple first person point of view characters is ensuring each character has a distinct voice.

Having two first person point of view characters can work (just don’t write two books in a trilogy from a single point of view, then add a second point of view in the final book in the trilogy. Please. It’s a clear giveaway that you’re going to kill off the main character).

Second Person

Second person point of view uses the “you” pronoun: you made breakfast, and you drank coffee. It can feel contrived, because the author is trying to convince you, the reader, that you are the character, and they are telling you what to do and what to feel.

Here’s the introduction to Synapse by Steven James, which is written in second person. I found it offputting, and I only kept reading because the premise of the novel intrigued me. In hindsight, I’m not convinced the story needed this scene as the opening hook, and suspect it lost more potential readers than it attracted:

I tend to agree with the prevailing opinion on second person point of view: it works for instructional texts (like this how-to blog post), self-help, and choose your own adventure books. Otherwise, it’s an intrusive gimmick.

Third Person

Third person point of view uses the “he/she” and “him/her” pronouns: he made breakfast, and she drank her coffee. It is by far the most common choice in modern fiction. The current trend is to use deep perspective third person, which puts the reader inside the head of the point of view characters in much the same was as first person.

Third person gives the author the freedom to explore the viewpoints of other characters. Third person can range from a very distant (almost omniscient) point of view to a very close point of view that, to the reader, feels more like first person. The modern reader wants to be intimately involved with the (fictional) lives of your characters, because this is what makes them believable and engaging:

“the more intimate the point of view, the better. One of the most vital and difficult tasks facing a writer is creating believable and engaging characters, and an intimate point of view is a terrific way of doing this.”

Renni Browne and Dave King, Self-Editing for Fiction Writers

So when is third person the right choice for your story? Put simply, if first person isn’t the right choice, then use third person. Whichever you choose, make sure you engage your readers.

Split First/Third Person

Some novels use first person point of view for the main character’s point of view, and third person for a second character e.g. the love interest. This can work, but some readers find it offputting. As such, a novel written in split points of view is always going to have a lower potential readership than a novel written in third person.

I read one thriller where most of the story was in third person, but the occasional short scenes from the evildoer’s point of view were written in first person. This was an effective way of ensuring the evildoer remained anonymous: the use of the “I” pronoun effectively hid even their gender from the reader.

First person is a common choice in young adult fiction. It’s also popular in romance and women’s fiction, and can be used in mysteries and thrillers (although it’s less common in those genres). It’s rarely used in fantasy. First person can be an acquired taste. Some publishers (and many readers) won’t even consider a novel written in first person.

Omniscient

Omniscient point of view uses the same he/she and him/her pronouns as third person, but the story isn’t narrated by one of the characters. Instead, the story is told by an all-seeing, all-knowing narrator who is outside the story. And that’s the problem with omniscient: it’s often telling a story, rather than showing. Sol Stein says:

This is probably the easiest point of view for the beginning writer—and the most dangerous. The writer… can see everything everywhere. Because the writer flits about from character to character, often thoughtlessly, the result can be more like alphabet soup than a controlled experience for the reader.

Sol Stein, Solutions for Novelists: Secrets of a Master Editor

I’ll be back next week to go into more detail about omniscient point of view (and why I’m not a fan).

Can There be Too Much Dialogue in a Novel?

#WriteTip | Can There be Too Much Dialogue in a Novel?

This is another question I’ve seen authors ask online. It’s a good question. Dialogue is a necessary part of fiction, because dialogue it drives a lot of the plot.

But it is possible to have too much dialogue?

I suspect the answer is yes. It is possible to have too much dialogue. And like the old story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, it’s also possible to have too little.

As with Goldilocks, it’s partly a matter of taste. Some readers like fast-paced dialogue-heavy genres. Other readers prefer slower-paced narrative-heavy literary fiction. It’s a matter of personal style and author voice. But there are some instances where there can be too much or too little dialogue, and that’s often a writing issue rather than a style preference.

Too Much Dialogue

Too much dialogue, and the reader will start feeling that nothing is happening. And they’d be right. Dialogue without action is doesn’t move the story forward—in real life, or in fiction.

When else can we have too much dialogue?

  • When the dialogue isn’t adding to the plot.
  • When the dialogue is telling, not showing.
  • When the dialogue is telling and showing.
  • When the dialogue overwhelms the action.
  • When the dialogue is too predictable.

Lets look at each of these:

When the dialogue isn’t adding to the plot

Each scene in a novel has multiple purposes:

A good scene will enrich character, provide necessary information to the audience and move the plot forward.

Les Standiford in The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing

In the same way, good dialogue will enrich character, provide necessary information, and move the plot forward. This means avoiding conversations where nothing happens. Small talk is a natural part of everyday life, but it’s something we should avoid when writing fiction. If there is apparent small talk, then it should serve a larger purpose e.g. foreshadowing a future event.

Click here for information on foreshadowing, not telegraphing.

When the dialogue is telling, not showing.

One of the primary “rules” of modern fiction writing is to show, not tell. In general, dialogue is a form of action, and action is showing. As such, it’s easy to think there can’t be too much dialogue in a novel.

Click here for more guidance on showing, not telling.

In theory, dialogue is showing where narration is telling. But not always.

Sometimes there is an “as you know, Bob” conversation.

This is where two characters spend pages and pages sharing information they already know. That’s not a conversation real people would have in real life. It’s telling, because it’s the author using dialogue to share backstory or an info dump.

The fix here is to determine exactly what information the reader needs to know at this point of the story, and share it through a single line of dialogue, or through interior monologue.

Sometimes the conversation is shown rather than the action.

In this case, two characters sit down over a cup of tea or a meal and share information about an event that’s just occurred. This is different from the “as you know, Bob” conversation in that only one person in the conversation knows what happened, so the other person is learning this information at the same time as the reader. However, it’s still telling.

The fix here is to determine whether the events being related are significant enough to write as a scene. If so, write them as a scene. If not, keep the conversation brief and ensure the plot keeps moving forward.

When the dialogue is telling and showing.

Sometimes an author will show a conversation where a proposed future action is being discussed. For example, the teenagers are planning a party, or the Navy SEALs are planning their hostage rescue attempt. They will then show the event—the party or the rescue.

The problem here is that they are showing the same scene twice. If everything goes according to plan, it’s repetition. And while words or phrases can be repeated for effect, the same isn’t true at the scene level.

Also, readers have been trained to expect that we won’t read the same scene twice.

If we see the characters planning the party or the rescue attempt, we then expect it to go wrong. If it doesn’t, we wonder why the planning scene was included (and we’re secretly disappointed). However, this combination of scenes can be used to add tension when you do plan for something to go wrong. Your reader expects something to go wrong, but they don’t know what or when.

The fix is easy: if you show the planning scene and the action scene, cut the planning scene or tighten it to focus on the point where something will go wrong in the execution of the plan.

When the dialogue overwhelms the action.

A good novel has a balance between action, dialogue, and narration. Adding dialogue adds white space to the page. This gives the impression of pace in fiction, not least because dialogue tends to be short sentences and paragraphs.

In contrast, interior monologue and narration tend to have longer sentences and paragraphs, even when that narration is describing action. Too many long sentences and paragraphs, and the text will feel dense to the reader. They may start skipping (and they’ll probably be skipping ahead to the dialogue).

The fix here is to make sure each page has a balance of dialogue, action, interior monologue, and narrative.

When the dialogue is too predictable

We want to avoid predictable dialogue, in the same way as we want to avoid predictable plots. If the reader can predict the next line of dialogue, why do they need to read it? They don’t. And give them too many lines of predictable dialogue, and they’ll start skipping.

Some instructors warn writers against writing “on the nose” dialogue. That’s another way of saying predictable dialogue.

The fix is to mix up your dialogue. Have your characters give an unexpected response, or change the subject (something which is entirely normal in regular conversation).

Too Little Dialogue

It’s also possible to have too little dialogue. This is just as much of a problem as too much dialogue, because it can slow the pace of the novel and give the impression the plot isn’t moving forward. The main reason a novel has too little dialogue is because it has too much of something else—usually description or interior monologue.

Too much description

We need some description in our novels. In particular, it’s important to anchor the reader in the setting at the beginning of each scene. But too much description soon becomes telling, which is a problem.

Too much interior monologue

The other too much is interior monologue. While interior monologue is generally showing, too much can easily become telling. In particular, be wary of interrupting dialogue for long passages of interior monologue. Too much introspection and the reader can lose the plot—literally. I’ve read novels where I’ve had to turn back two or three pages when a character speaks so I can remember what was last said.

Click here to read my tips for writing interior monologue.

The fix here is to use interior monologue as a form of speaker attribution, but keep it to a sentence or two, and make sure the conversation (and the plot) keep moving forward.

Yes, there can be too much dialogue in a novel. There can also be too little. If you can be like Goldilocks and make sure your dialogue is just right, you’ll keep your readers happy.

Writing Strong Interior Monologue

Write Tip | Writing Strong Interior Monologue (an #AuthorToolBoxBlogHop post)

This post is part of the monthly Author ToolBox Blog Hop, organised by Raimey Gallant. We now have over 40 blogs participating. To find more Blog Hop posts:

Writing Strong Interior Monologue

Last week, I suggested three alternatives to action beats. Today I’m going into more detail about one of these, interior monologue. As I’ve said, interior monologue is one of three main ways authors indicate when a character is thinking:

1. Quotation marks

2. Italics

3. Interior monologue

Quotation Marks

I was taught that double quotation marks indicated spoken dialogue, while single quotation marks indicated unspoken thought. However, it’s now common to use single quotation marks to indicate spoken dialogue. It would seem odd to then use double quotation marks to indicate unspoken thought, and it would probably confuse readers.

As such, it is no longer considered correct to use quotation marks.

Italics for Direct Thought

One solution to this dilemma is to use italics to indicate direct thought. Italics do distinguish unspoken thought from spoken dialogue, but there are disadvantages:

Long passages of italics are more difficult to read.

Italics can slow the pacing of the scene, and overuse of italics can confuse and annoy the reader.

Point of View

Direct thought is always first person present tense, whereas most novels are written in third person and past tense. Switching from third to first person and past to present tense can come across as a glitch.

Italics presume characters think in words.

There is another issue with both using quotation marks and italics to indicate thought: both presume that the characters think in words … and that’s not always the case. Apparently, only a quarter of the population think exclusively in words.

The rest either use visual/spatial thinking (30%) or a combination of visual/spatial thinking and thinking in words. Other recognised forms of non-verbal thought include, kinesthetic, musical, and mathematical thinking. If your character doesn’t think in words, using italics for direct thought might feel wrong as it’s emphasising the words over the impressions and feelings.

But how can we use acknowledge non-verbal thought in our writing? The best way is to use interior monologue.

Interior Monologue

Interior monologue is what your point of view character is thinking, expressed in their own voice. This is the preferred style for modern fiction, whether contemporary or historical. With interior monologue, the reader assumes the viewpoint character is narrating the story, so assumes everything is shown from that character’s point of view.

This means getting inside your character’s head and telling the story through that character’s eyes and ears, and in their voice. Any time the narration steps outside the character’s head, we have a point of view violation. Sometimes we hop into another character’s head—that’s called headhopping. Sometimes we hop into the author’s head—that’s called an author intrusion.

So here are some tips for writing solid and engaging interior monologue:

Stay in the Point of View Character’s Head

Modern writing tends to stay in one character’s head for an entire scene. If the point of view does change, this can be indicated by a scene break (e.g. ***), or by starting a new chapter. But don’t be like the author I saw who added *** between each paragraph because they couldn’t be bothered to rewrite the novel to eliminate the headhopping.

My personal preference is to only add a break if there is a new scene, which usually means a change in time, location, or point of view character. (And check out Scene and Structure by Jack Bickham for an in-depth analysis on how to write a scene.)

Staying in the character’s head means the reader can only experience what the character experiences. We can only:

  • See what the character can see. If the door opens behind the character, we can’t know who comes through that door unless the character turns around, or there is some other cue (e.g. the person they’re with says “Hi, John,” or there is a convenient mirror).
  • Notice what the character would notice. A botanist would probably call a flower by its Latin name. A keen gardener or a florist might know a flower by its Latin name, but could use the common name. A child might refer to the flower as the pink one with the nice smell.
  • Hear what the character can hear (or not, if the character has a hearing impairment). If a character is mumbling under their breath, it’s likely the point of view character won’t hear all the words. Show that.
  • Say what the character would say. An uneducated character will use different vocabulary than a more educated character, and their dialogue should reflect that. Equally, their interior monologue should reflect their unique character voice.
  • Know what the character would know. If your character is a telepath, then they will know what another character is thinking. Non-telepaths can’t know what other characters are thinking. They can only infer thoughts and feelings from spoken dialogue, body language, or other external cues (e.g. how the character is speaking).

Change Scenes to Change Heads

If you want to write the story from more than one point of view, you can. But introduce the new character at the beginning of a new scene by ensuring their name is the first name mentioned in the new scene. This tells the reader there is a new point of view character, and that the interior monologue is from the viewpoint of that new character.

Four tips for writing strong interior monologue (and why it's a better option than using italics for direct thought) #WriteTip. Share on X

Avoid Adding Narrative Distance

When you show the reader what the character can see or hear or smell or touch or feel, show them directly. Don’t add filter words—words that add a layer of distance between the character and the reader—because they are telling what you should be showing.

Words which indicate the author is adding narrative distance include:

  • Feel (felt, feeling)
  • See (saw, look, looked, glanced, noticed)
  • Hear (heard, listened)
  • Think (thought, wondered, pondered, realised, knew, remembered)

Readers don’t need to be told the character can see or hear or feel. Nor do readers need to be told what the character is thinking—if you’re writing interior monologue correctly, the reader knows all the narrative is the character’s own thoughts. And the deeper you can go into that character’s mind, the stronger and more engaging your novel will be.

Because that’s what readers want: an engaging story.

Three Alternatives to Action Beats

Write Tips | Three Alternatives to Action Beats

Over the last three weeks, I’ve discussed various aspects of writing dialogue and dialogue tags. I’ve covered:

Today I’m looking at three more options for writing dialogue tags:

  • Body language
  • Dialogue cues
  • Interior monologue

In terms of style and punctuation, body language, dialogue cues, and interior monologue are all treated as action beats. They are complete sentences, so the dialogue ends with a period, not a comma. For example:

“Welcome.” His voice was deep and smooth.

Not:

“Welcome,” his voice was deep and smooth.

(Check out this post for more tips on punctuating dialogue in fiction.)

However, the way you write body language, dialogue cues, and interior monologue will depend on who is the point of view character in the scene. For example, the above line clearly isn’t from the point of view of the speaker. A point of view character is unlikely to think of their voice as low and smooth in normal circumstances. But they might if they were trying to manipulate someone:

“Welcome.” He modulated his tone so it was deep and smooth. Welcoming. Comforting.

If the point of view is the love interest, the line might be:

“Welcome.” His voice was deep and smooth, like hot chocolate on a cold day.

Or:

“Welcome.” His voice was deep and smooth, like fine whisky. Sexy, with a hint of a kick.

Body Language

We don’t only communicate by what we say. We also communicate through our body language and facial expressions. Improving the way we write nonverbal communication will improve our overall manuscripts by adding an additional layer to our work, which makes our books more engaging for readers.

In real life, when the words and the actions don’t match, we believe the actions. The same is true in fiction. That’s why we shouldn’t need to use telling tags like “she joked” or “she lied”. That should be obvious from the dialogue … or from the subtext.

Body language is a way of showing the underlying emotions in a scene, the subtext, or what’s going on beneath the surface. Margie Lawson calls subtext “the psychological message behind the words”.

Have you ever read a romance novel where you just know the hero is secretly in love with the heroine, even though he hasn’t said anything or done anything overtly to give you that impression? That’s subtext, and makes for a powerful reading experience.

When writing body language, it’s important to remember which is character is the point of view character.

If the point of view character blushes, they can probably might feel the heat rising up their face. But they can’t see they’ve turned red (unless they’re looking in a mirror, and that’s a cliche to avoid where possible). They can only assume they’ve turned red based on the heat. For example:

“Welcome.” He was here? Now? She’d done what? How mortifying. The heat rose from her chest to her scalp, and she didn’t need a mirror to know she must be the colour of beetroot.

Equally, if another character blushes, the point of view character can only mention what they can see—the rising redness. Heat is implied, but they can’t mention the heat without first showing the visual cue. For example:

“Welcome.” Her face turned redder than beetroot in the time it took her say the two short syllables. He could probably fry an egg on her cheeks.

Dialogue Cues

Writing instructor Margie Lawson coined this phrase to refer to physiological reactions that give the reader a subliminal psychological cue. Dialogue cues use vocal cues to force the reader to read between the lines, to see the subtext in the character interactions. This also shares subtext.

See www.margielawson.com and her lecture packets on Empowering Character’s Emotions, and Writing Body Language and Dialogue Cues Like a Psychologist

For example:

  • At what volume is the character speaking? Is their voice loud or quiet?
  • What tone of voice is the character using? Do they sound angry or tired?
  • How does the character speak? With a drawl or a twang?
  • Is their voice harsh or soft?
  • Is the character speaking quickly or slowly? Is that how they normally speak, or is their ?
  • Does their voice lift or drop to emphasise certain words or phrases?

What do the answers to these questions tell us about the character’s background, personality, and emotional state? We can then use dialogue cues to show the reader more information than is simply in the dialogue. For example:

“Welcome.” Her voice was low, deep, mysterious. Sultry. As though she hid the secrets of the ages in that one word.

Compared with:

“Welcome.” Her voice was bright and cheery, too bright and cheery. The kind of bright and cheery that suggested she was anything but.

That’s written from the point of view of a character observing the speaker. If the point of view character was the speaker, it would read more like:

“Welcome.” Her voice was bright and cheery, too bright and cheery. She’d need to tone down the cheery or they’d know something was wrong.

Interior Monologue

Interior monologue is what your point of view character is thinking, expressed in their own voice. This is the recommended approach for expressing thought in modern fiction, whether contemporary or historical: quotation marks and tags for direct thought are now considered old-fashioned:

Never, ever use quotes with your interior monologue. It is not merely poor style; it is, by today’s standards, ungrammatical. Thoughts are thought, not spoken.
Renni Browne and Dave King, Self-Editing for Fiction Writers

Using italics for direct thought is also discouraged, because this is telling where the author should be showing.

Body language, dialogue cues, and interior monologue are three alternatives to action beats (and dialogue tags). #WriteTip #WritersLife Share on X

Instead, take the reader into the point of view character’s mind, and show us the scene from their point of view. Use language and ideas the point of view character would use. For example, a modern teenage girl is more likely to have a crush on Liam Hemsworth than Robert Redford.

This helps the reader know the character better. The better the reader knows the character, the more likely she is to empathise and feel the character’s emotions. It’s stronger writing.

The general rules of Point of View are:

  • There must only be one point of view character in each scene (more than one is referred to as ‘head-hopping’).
  • The point of view character should be the individual most affected by the actions in that scene.
  • The first name mentioned in a scene should be that of the viewpoint character.

If you can remember those three rules, you’ll be halfway to writing good interior monologue.

I’ll be back next week with tips on writing strong interior monologue.

Three Tips for Writing Strong Action Beats

Dialogue Tags | Three Tips for Writing Strong Action Beats

Last week, I discussed why “said” is the most effective speaker attribution. No, I’m not a fan of creative dialogue tags (she apologised unrepentantly).

But using “said” all the time can get boring and repetitive, and we don’t want our fiction to be boring or repetitive. What can we do?

Fortunately, there are several alternatives to said. These include:

  • Action beats
  • Dialogue cues
  • Interior monologue

Today I’m going to discuss action beats, and suggest three tips for writing strong action beats.

Action Beats

Action beats are used in fiction to break up the dialogue and Browne and King define action beats as:

The bits of action interspersed throughout a scene, such as a character walking to a window … Usually they involve physical gestures.

The advantage of using an action beat over a speaker attribution is that the action beat serves multiple purposes:

  • It breaks up the dialogue.
  • It tells the reader who is speaking.
  • It shows the reader something about the scene.
  • It provides a sense of progression and movement.
  • It also gets away from the perceived problem of overusing the boring “said”.

An action beat is visible, so it can be an action performed by the point of view character (when the point of view character is the speaker), or observed by the point of view character (when the point of view character isn’t the speaker).

There are three common problems with using action beats as dialogue tags:

  • Combining speaker attributions and action beats.
  • Using boring action beats.
  • Using too many action beats.

Combining Speaker Attributions and Action Beats

There is no need for a speaker attribution if you’re also using an action beat, because the action beat fulfils the role of the speaker attribution. For example:

“I’m sorry,” Jane said, and looked at the floor.

Becomes:

“I’m sorry.” Jane looked at the floor.

Cutting the speaker attribution will tighten the writing and improve the pace.

Using Boring Action Beats

An action beat is your opportunity to show what is happening. But many authors use the same action beats over and over, to the point when they become boring. For example:

  • Jack blinked.
  • Jack nodded.
  • Jack shrugged.
  • Jack smiled.

It’s not that there is anything wrong with any of these beats. The issue is they tend to be overused—one original smile shows something about the character. One hundred smiles shows nothing. The trick is to take the plain “she smiled” and expand it to a more powerful smile, one that shows the reader more about the character.

There was nothing happy about Jack’s smile. It was more Hannibal Lecter meets The Joker.

Or:

Jack smiled a slow smile, a smile that said he had all the time in the world and nowhere else he’d rather be.

The right smile (or nod or shrug or blink) will obviously depend on your character and the specific scene. Play around with your actions, and see how you can strengthen your action beats. If you can’t strengthen them, can you use a speaker attribution, a line of interior monologue, or a dialogue cue instead?

Sometimes authors take these boring but functional action beats and turn them into telling:

  • Jack blinked in confusion.
  • Jack nodded in agreement.
  • Jack shrugged indecisively.

Why are these telling? Because they are not visual, or because they are predictable. What does a confused blink look like? When do we nod except in agreement? Again, use your imagination to see how you can strengthen your action beats and use them to deepen character and move the plot forward.

Jack blinked long and slow, so long and slow she could have fallen asleep between one blink and the next.

Or:

Jack blinked twice and his left eye crinkled at the corner. Jane was sure he had no idea what she was talking about. Typical.

Or perhaps Jack doesn’t blink at all (and perhaps he’s not confused):

Jack looked left, right, up, down. Anywhere but at her. Either he had no idea what she was talking about, or he was trying to dream up a convincing lie. He looked up and left again, his usual tell when he was trying to come up with a creative yet convincing response. That look said he was guilty. Big surprise. Not.

Boring action beats make excellent placeholders in you first draft, because they don’t require any thought. But ensure that you revise the boring beats into something fresh when you edit. Use action beats, interior monologue, or dialogue cues to better show the action and emotion.

Even better, use body language to show the emotion—what’s going on behind the scene. The following resources will help you come up with fresh action beats to better show emotion:

Using Too Many Action Beats

Some authors pepper their dialogue with action beats, to the point where the dialogue becomes a ping-pong match. Remember, the purpose of the action beat is to identify who is speaking and make the scene visible.

For example:

“Hi.” Jake lifted a hand in greeting. “How are you?” He put his hand in his pocket. “I haven’t seen you around for a while.” He looked away, unable to meet my eyes. Was he embarrassed?

For example:

“Hi.” Jake lifted a hand in greeting. “How are you?” He put his hand in his pocket. “I haven’t seen you around for a while.” He looked away, unable to meet my eyes. Was he embarrassed?

Instead, pare back the action beats to focus on what’s important:

“Hi, Jane. How are you?” Jake looked past me, unable to meet my eyes. “I haven’t seen you around in a while.”

As James Scott Bell points out:

Too many action tags will wear the reader out. Variety is called for, and often the best choice is no tag at all.

So ensure your action beats add to the scene, rather than taking away from it.

 

I’ll be back next week to discuss two more alternatives to “said”—interior monologue, and dialogue cues.

 

Why "Said" is the most effective speaker attribution

WriteTips | Why “Said” is the Most Effective Speaker Attribution

Last week, I shared some tips for writing believable dialogue, given that dialogue is one of the main ways we can show plot movement and characterisation in a novel. But no discussion around dialogue is complete without adding advice on dialogue tags.

Dialogue tags are how we indicate to readers which character is speaking.

There are four main types of dialogue tags:

  • Speaker attributions
  • Action beats
  • Internal monologue
  • Dialogue cues

This post will focus on speaker attributions, and I’ll discuss the others next week.

Speaker Attributions

The most common dialogue tag is the speaker attribution, and the most common speaker attribution is “said”.

Said is invisible (mostly).

Other common speaker attributions include:

  • Asked: when the character is asking a question (some authors use “said” for questions, but I don’t always think that’s a smooth read).
  • Whispered: when a character is whispering.
  • Shouted: when a character is shouting.

You might prefer to use yelled instead of shouted. Shouted can sound unnecessarily formal—it depends on your genre, your writing voice, and your character voice. I suspect I shout, but my teenagers yell. Or it may be enough to use an exclamation mark to indicate shouting (or yelling).

Many authors feel that using said all the time is boring. It can feel that way, especially if you’re reading your manuscript aloud or listening to an audiobook. If you don’t want to use said, then use one of the other three types of dialogue tag. The important thing is to ensure your reader knows who is speaking, and that you’re able to give the reader that information without breaking the flow of the story.

Creative Speaker Attributions

Some authors like to use alternative speaker attributions. I see two problems with these:

  • Some alternatives are actually action beats or dialogue cues, and should be punctuated as such (click here to read my advice on how to punctuate dialogue in fiction).
  • Other alternatives are what Browne and King call these creative dialogue tags and what Margie Lawson calls them telling tags. They are telling where the narrative should be showing. And that’s rarely a good idea.
WriteTips | Why “Said” is the Most Effective Speaker Attribution Share on X

Let’s look at some examples.

She laughed.

Have you ever tried laughing while you talk? It’s possible … but very unattractive, and whatever you say is likely to be unintelligible. Try it. Then revise your work to show how your character is actually talking. For example, instead of:

“That’s so funny,” she laughed.

Try:

“That … that’s …” She was laughing so hard that she couldn’t get the words out. “That’s so … so funny.”

No, that’s not going to win any prizes. But it does a better job of showing the character than a boring “she laughed”.

She smiled.

Yes, it’s possible to smile while you talk, but I always end up feeling like Tour Guide Barbie. It’s not a natural use of my facial muscles. Smiling is an action, not a way of talking.

She cried.

Crying is an action. Sure, we can talk while we’re crying (which is difficult if not impossible to do while we’re laughing), but the two actions are separate. We talk. We cry.

In earlier days, authors would use “she cried” as a dialogue tag and we all understood it was referring to tone. But modern readers might not understand that. When my daughter was about ten, she was reading a novel which used “she cried” a lot. My daughter took this literally, and asked me why Jane cried so much.

She barked.

Dogs bark. I suppose wolves and foxes bark as well. But we generally consider that people who bark have mental health issues. Or they might be weredogs or other werecreatures (if you’re writing paranormal).

Yes, an army officer might “bark” an order. But take the opportunity to use a dialogue tag to show us the character’s voice: is that bark the bark of a guard dog, a farm dog or a lap dog? Golden retriever, Shu-Tsu, or mutt?

“Now!” The CO’s words were a deep bark with a hint of warning, more Alsatian guard dog than happy Labrador welcome.

She whined.

Again, this might be appropriate if you’re writing about weredogs or werewolves. But for humans, whining is describing the tone of voice. It’s a dialogue cue.

Instead of:

“I don’t want to go to bed,” Jane whined.

Try:

“I don’t want to go to bed,” Jane said with that annoying whine in her voice, the whine that shifted my mindset from Mary Poppins to Bad Nanny.

Get the Dialogue Tags Right

Avoid using adverbs in your dialogue tags. They are almost always telling when you should be showing. For example:

“I’m sorry,” Jane said nervously.

Such tags are often referred to as Tom Swifty’s, from the Tom Swift novels of the 1910s. Some are amusing to the point of being ridiculous:

“Is it nuclear?” Tom asked glowingly.

Sometimes they are repeating the dialogue, which can be the sign of a less confident writer. Trust that your dialogue is strong enough.

“I’m sorry,” Jane said apologetically.

Yes, I have seen that in a manuscript. The reader will assume from the dialogue that Jane is apologetic. If she isn’t, use an action beat or dialogue cue to show us how she is feeling:

“I’m sorry.” Jane stared at the floor.
“I’m sorry.” Jane rolled her eyes.

In the same vein, don’t use the dialogue tag to telegraph what the dialogue is about to show:

“I’m sorry.” Changing the subject, Jane asked, “When’s breakfast?”

Either the reader is clever enough to notice the speaker has changed the subject … or the speaker didn’t change the subject (in which case, you need to strengthen the dialogue). That’s stronger writing. Relying on a telling tag is weak writing.

Other Dialogue Tips

In general, it’s best to start the paragraph with dialogue (action), then add the speaker attribution (or other dialogue tag) in a logical break in the  dialogue.

In most cases, start the speaker attribution with the character’s name:

“I’m sorry,” Jane said.

Writing the attribution the other way around reads as old-fashioned and a little childish:

“I’m sorry,” said Jane.

We haven’t used “said he” since around 1900. But if you’re writing historical fiction set in Victorian England or Gilded Age America (or earlier), then the “said Jane” formation might be a subtle way of reinforcing your setting.

Yes, you can occasionally break any or all of these rules, But break them knowingly, with purpose, for literary effect. And do it rarely.

WriteTips | Why “Said” is the Most Effective Speaker Attribution Share on X

Yes, using “said” all the time can get boring. But this isn’t a reason to use alternatives to said. Instead, it’s a reason to use action beats, body language, and dialogue cues.

We’ll discuss those next week.

5 Tips for Writing Realistic Dialogue in Fiction

#WriteTips | 5 Tips for Writing Realistic Dialogue in Fiction

Dialogue is one of the most important aspects of a novel. Great dialogue enhances characterisation, and moves the plot forward. But stilted or unrealistic dialogue makes a novel difficult to read, and can encourage the reader to abandon the novel (#TrueStory).

Dialogue needs to read like words real people will say, but it also needs to read smoothly and have meaning. This means eliminating some of the ums and ahs and repetition we have in real-life dialogue. But it doesn’t mean replacing them with long, grammatically perfect sentences that no one would ever say in real life.

Here are some tips for writing great dialogue:

Dialogue should sound natural.

It’s not natural—because it doesn’t have all those ums and ahs and interjections and interruptions and subject changes that are features of a real conversation. But it needs to sound natural.

That means:

  • Short sentences.
  • Simple sentences.
  • Sentence fragments.
  • Avoid adjectives (because we don’t usually use adjectives in our everyday conversation).
  • Use adverbs (use them sparingly, but you can use them. After all, most people do use adverbs when they talk, which is probably why so many slip into our writing).

A simple sentence is subject – verb – object:

“I love you.”

When we talk in real life, we’re more likely to use a succession of short sentences than a longer, complex sentence. Which of these sounds more like how real people talk?

I love dogs, because they’re always so affectionate.
I love dogs. They’re so affectionate.

Both paragraphs are grammatically correct, but the second sounds more like real-life dialogue.

In contrast, interior monologue can be full of complex sentences, because that’s more like how we think:

I love dogs, the way they’re so affectionate. Not like cats. Cats can be cuddly and all, but it’s all on their terms. They can be affectionate, but they can also be really standoffish.

Writing overly formal dialogue can lead to writing sentences that no one would say in real life, or that are impossible to read aloud (punctuation is your friend, people). Some authors find that dictating their manuscript helps ensure their dialogue reads and sounds like a real conversation.

Use Realistic Vocabulary

The vocabulary in dialogue should fit the specific character:

  • Age
  • Education level
  • Culture
  • Where they live

An adult is going to use more complex vocabulary than a child (unless the child is particularly precocious). A university professor is going to use more complex vocabulary than a manual worker (unless that manual worker is working to support their PhD studies).

Use Contractions

Most of us use contractions when we speak, so it feels unnatural to read dialogue that does not use contractions. But there are exceptions:

  • If the novel is historical fiction (i.e. before Tudor times).
  • If the character speaks English as a second language.
  • If the character is speaking another language.
  • If the scene calls for formal language e.g. a police officer giving evidence in court.

Avoid Dialect Spellings

Some authors use nonstandard spelling to indicate the character’s accent. I find this distracting. Sometimes it’s distracting because I can’t work out the word, so I have to stop and sound it out to understand the passage. And sometimes it’s distracting because the nonstandard spelling is how I pronounce the word, so I’m left wondering how the author pronounces the word.

Here’s an example, from Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh:

Ah tried tae keep ma attention oan the Jean-Claude Van Damme video. As happens in such moveis, they started oaf wi an obligatory dramatic opening. Then the next phrase ay the picture involved building up the tension through introducing the dastardly villain and sticking the weak plot togither. Any minute now though, auld Jean-Claude’s ready to git doon tae some serious swedgin.

I am obviously not the target reader for Trainspotting, because I find this virtually unreadable (and inconsistent: Walsh has only used dialect for common words:

  • ah for I
  • tae for to
  • ma for my
  • oaf for off
  • wi for with
  • ay for of

The less common words are spelled correctly—introducing the darstadly villain. Surely someone who says ma for my and wi for with would say intraducin, not introducing? As such, the spelling feels inconsistent.

I therefore recommend the following:

  • If the word is English, use the dictionary spelling.
  • If the word isn’t English, use the relevant dictionary spelling.
  • Use slang where appropriate.
  • Use regional vocabulary where
  • Use word order to indicate accent or nonstandard usage

Ensure Dialogue Doesn’t Tell

One of the major “rules” of modern fiction is to show, not tell. Dialogue should be showing, but sometimes dialogue slips into telling e.g., when the characters are telling each other things they already know, or when dialogue is used to share backstory.

 

So those are my five tips for writing realistic dialogue in fiction. I’ll be back next week to discuss one area where telling often slips in—in dialogue tags.

5 Tips for Ensuring Your Novel has Sustainable Conflict

Writing 101 | 5 Tips for Ensuring Your Novel has Sustainable Conflict

Plot and structure are two of the foundations of a great novel. I have previously discussed the high-level structure of a novel—the three-act structure—and the micro structure—scene structure.

But knowing how to write a great scene or structure a novel is no guarantee of a great novel.

Great novels need a plot. And conflict. I know. This sounds obvious. All novels have conflict. Don’t they? Unfortunately, no. (This is the voice of many manuscript assessments, and many books on the virtual DNF pile.)

What is Plot?

Jack Bickham says plot is a long narrative with linear development from the posing of a story question at the outset to the answering of that question at the climax (Scene and Structure).

James Frey says plot is the progress toward the resolution of a predicament that transforms the character (The Philosophy of Plot, Chapter One of The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing).

Ronald Tobias says plot is about more than story. Story is a series of events. Plot is a pattern of action and reaction that asks a bigger question: Why does this happen? (20 Master Plots and How to Build Them). That could be the story question.

James Scott Bell says the LOCK elements are essential for a good plot: a Lead character the reader can bond with, an Objective, a Confrontation (i.e. conflict), and a Knockout ending (Revision and Self-Editing for Publication).

How do we write a great novel? By making sure we have a plot with plenty of believable and sustainable conflict. Here are five #writetips for writing conflict in fiction. Share on X

While each of these experts uses different words, there are some important key themes:

• There is a protagonist, a main character.
• The main character wants something.
• The main character experiences problems.
• There is a resolution—an end point.
• The main character experiences some kind of personal growth or change.

All these themes relate to conflict.

Many manuscripts fall down on one or more of these five factors.

Main Character

One common problem is not having a clear main character e.g. where the first few chapters give the impression Character A is the main character, but the synopsis shows it’s Character B.

It’s best to stick with one main character. Yes, there will be a love interest in a romance novel (maybe more than one). The love interest may even be a point of view character, and have their own goals, motivations, and conflicts. But the love interest is not main characters.

The Goal

The main character has want something so much that they will suffer in some way if they don’t get it. There also has to be consequences for not achieving the goal.

  • What does your main character want? (That’s their goal.)
  • Why do they want it? (That’s their motivation.)
  • What’s stopping them achieving their goal? (That’s the conflict.)
  • What will happen if your main character doesn’t achieve their goal? (That’s the stakes.)

The goal leads into the story question:

[Character] wants [goal] because [motivation] or else [stakes], but [conflict]. Will the character achieve their goal?

A goal links a series of interesting and unrelated events into a series of related scenes—a plot, and gives the story forward motion. That forward motion is what keeps the reader engaged and reading.

(Click here to check out my top tips on writing a great scene.)

Conflict and Stakes

Conflict is the essence of great fiction. Debra Dixon says:

If conflict makes you uncomfortable or you have difficulty wrecking the lives of your characters, you need to consider another line of work. (GMC: Goals, Motivation, Conflict).

There are three levels of conflict:

  • Story conflict (the conflict that drives the main plot).
  • Scene conflict (the conflict that drives the individual scene, as I discussed last month).
  • Character conflict (two characters who want different things i.e. conflicting GMC).

Readers want conflict. But they want conflict that is compelling and believable. Readers do not want conflict that is solved too quickly. I read one novel which introduced a new conflict every couple of chapters, but solved the conflict almost instantly.

  • Someone sabotaged the heroine’s car. Oh no! Don’t worry: the car park was under video surveillance and the evildoer was caught within hours.
  • The heroine is diagnosed as infertile. Oh no! Don’t worry: someone offers her a baby to adopt the next day.
  • The heroine decides her baby needs a sibling. Oh no! Don’t worry: the birth mother of her first baby is pregnant and looking to adopt again.

That’s not how life works, and it robs your reader by offering unrealistic conflict.

Equally, don’t drag out the conflict longer than makes sense.

If the conflict could be solved by the two main characters having a five-minute conversation, then either make sure they have the conversation or find compelling reasons why they can’t.

Conflict should escalate throughout the novel, leading to the Black Moment where the main character thinks all is lost. Susan May Warren (The Story Equation) refers to this sequence: disappointment, disaster, destruction, devastation.

The stakes are also important.

The character has to be at risk of losing something of value. For example, thrillers often feature serial killers. The stakes are physical death—the main character has to find the killer before they claim another victim. Other important stakes are professional death (find the killer or lose your job), or psychological death (find the killer or lose your reputation or self-respect).

Note that falling in love and living happily ever after (or happily for now) isn’t stakes.

Yes, it’s the overarching plot and expected end of a romance novel, but it’s not stakes … unless there is something keeping the couple apart (which explains tropes like opposites attract or best friend’s brother or step-siblings).

The Resolution

The end of the story needs to clearly resolve the main conflict. Has the main character achieved their goal? If not, why not? What are the consequences?

In a romance novel, the main character and the romance character also have to get their happy-ever-after (or happy-for-now). They do not break up in the second-to-last chapter … then reunite and marry in the gap between book one and book two in the series. Yes, I’m still bitter about that so-called romance series.

Bring the story to a close, and give the reader the ending they expect.

No, you don’t have to tie up all the lose ends—especially not if you’re writing a series. But answer the story question. Otherwise you’ll get stinking reviews for leaving your readers with a cliffhanger ending.

Character Change

In character-driven genres like romance, the main character will generally come to some realisation that changes their views and allows them to pursue their happy-ever-after. But change never comes easily, so this change drives the character’s internal conflict.

This character change is often related to their emotional wound or the lie they believe … but that’s a topic for another post.

 

Punctuation in Fiction

Punctuation 101 | Other Punctuation in Fiction

Over the last two weeks we’ve covered comma usage and the punctuation of dialogue in fiction. Today I’m going to discuss seven less common punctuation marks, and how they’re used in modern fiction:

  • Brackets (Parentheses)
  • Colon
  • Ellipsis
  • Em-Dash
  • En-Dash
  • Hyphen
  • Semicolon

Note that I am focussing on the use of these punctuation marks in modern fiction i.e. fiction published within the last ten years.

You may well see different usage in older books. This usage may still be considered grammatically correct, or it may now be considered dated (e.g. using quotation marks for unspoken thought, as I discussed last week). But if you’re trying to get published now, you need to understand current trends and guidelines.

Brackets (Parenetheses)

Technically, [these] are brackets, while (these) are parentheses. No, most people don’t know the difference (including most of my teachers at school).

Parentheses are used to provide additional information that’s not necessary for the reader to know in order to understand the sentence. The sentence should still make sense without the section in parentheses.

Parentheses are more common in nonfiction than in fiction.

I do occasionally read a modern novel that uses parentheses. However, they tend to be novels written in first person, where the point of view character has a strong and quirky voice, so it feels as though they are talking directly to the reader. Parentheses can also be used if the character is writing a text message, email, or diary entry.

Colon

A colon (:) may be used to separate two independent clauses in a way that’s less final than a full stop (period). It’s often used when the second independent clause amplifies or explains the first. For example:

I don’t like Monday: Sunday is my favourite day of the week.

A colon can also be used to signal a quotation (as I used before the above example), or to introduce a list:

I love flowers: carnations, daisies, lavender, roses. I love them all.

As you can see, there are clear grammatical use for the colon. However, colons have fallen out of favour in modern fiction—I don’t recall the last novel I read that used a colon. It has generally been replaced by the em-dash.

Ellipsis …

Ellipsis is the correct name for the series of dots we sometimes see. For example:

“I … I don’t know.”

As you can see, the ellipsis indicate stuttering or repetition, and may indicate indecision. If the ellipsis falls at the end of the dialogue, it usually indicates a trailing off off speech, as though the character doesn’t know what to say:

“This feels wrong, but I don’t know why …”

As with any punctuation mark, it’s best not to overuse the ellipsis. This is especially important in dialogue, as too many ellipses can make the character appear stupid.

Note that the ellipsis is always three dots, never less and never more.

Some style guides permit the use of a period after an ellipsis, which can make it look as though the ellipsis has four dots. But this is only used in specific situations around quotations, so is unlikely to be relevant to fiction authors.

There are two ways to type an ellipsis. The Chicago Manual of Style (CMOS 13.50) uses three spaced periods, with a space before and after the ellipsis:

” . . . I don’t know.”

Note that the ellipsis should use nonbreaking spaces—otherwise, the ellipsis can end up breaking across two lines in the final book (or on the e-reader).

Other style manuals use the ellipsis glyph, which is Alt-0133 on a PC and Cmd-0133 on an Apple i.e. hold down the Alt or Cmd key while typing “0151”. This shows as one character, and generally has a space before and after.

Em-Dash —

The em-dash gets its name from the fact it is approximately the length of the letter “m”. It has several uses in modern fiction.

The em-dash can be used in place of a colon:

I don’t like Monday—Sunday is my favourite day of the week.

The em-dash can be used instead of parentheses (which are rarely used in fiction).

I love flowers: carnations, daisies, lavender, roses. I love them all.

My one proviso in using the em-dash instead of parentheses is to make sure you don’t end the sentence on an em-dash, as running and em-dash and period together looks odd.

The em-dash can be used to indicate a character’s dialogue is interrupted:

“Why didn’t you buy—”
“They were out of stock.”

Note that there is no terminal punctuation at the end of the first speaker’s dialogue:

“Why didn’t you buy—.”

This is wrong, because the character hasn’t finished speaking. Sometimes a writer will use an em-dash at the end of one line and the beginning of another, to indicate one character talking over another:

“Why didn’t you—”
“They were out of stock.”
“—buy takeaways for dinner?”

Okay, so that’s not a great example. But you can see what I mean.

The fact there are several correct uses for the em-dash can mean it is overused. As with any punctuation mark, it’s important not to overuse the em-dash.

Some computers and software will automatically insert an em-dash when you type two consecutive hyphens. If not, you can force an em-dash using Alt-0151 on a PC and Cmd-0151 on an Apple. There are generally no spaces before or after an em-dash.

En-Dash

An en-dash is approximately the length of the letter “n”, which means it’s longer than a hyphen but shorter than an em-dash.

An en-dash is used to show some kind of range:

  • Dates: 1993–2000
  • Bible verses: John 1:1–14
  • Citations: Chapters 3–5
  • Directions: the London–Dover train
  • An unfinished number range: 1969–
  • Campus locations: the University of Wisconsin–Madison

You can find more information in CMOS 6.78–84.

You can create an en-dash using Alt-0150 on a PC and Cmd-0150 on an Apple.

Hyphen

If you’re anything like me (or how I used to be, before I studied editing), you use the hyphen where you now know you should be using the en-dash or em-dash. But the hyphen still has many uses. In fact, the hyphenation table in the latest edition of the Chicago Manual of Style is several pages long (CMOS 7.89).

The most common uses for the hyphen are:

  • Adjectival phrases: over-the-counter pharmaceuticals
  • Compounds: mass-produced, three-year-old child

The rules for compounds are complex, but there are four main principles to remember:

  1. Check the dictionary. If the word is hyphenated in the dictionary, use a hyphen.
  2. Compounds with -ly adverbs are not hyphenated: she was highly paid, not highly-paid.
  3. Many compounds are hyphenated before the noun, but not after. For example: she was a computer-literate student, but the student was computer literate.
  4. If you’re not sure, pick a style and be consistent: use email or e-mail, but don’t use both in the same document.

Semicolon

The semi-colon is another punctuation mark that can be used to separate two independent clauses. The separation is less final than a period or even a colon.

The semi-colon may also be used in complex lists, although that’s more common in nonfiction. Having said that, it’s probably more common to use bullet points for complex lists, as they’re easier to read.

 

Note that these guidelines are specifically for modern fiction, and reflects the trends I see in the books I read. We haven’t abandoned the colon or semi-colon. It’s more that they’re not commonly seen in modern fiction.

That isn’t to say you can’t use them. But if you do use them, use them correctly.

What other questions do you have around punctuation?

How to punctuate dialogue

How to Punctuate Dialogue in Fiction (an #AuthorToolBoxBlogHop post)

Every now and again, I come across a self-published novel where the author doesn’t know how to punctuate dialogue correctly. This can make it difficult for the reader to follow the conversation, because it’s hard to work out which character is talking.

The good news is that this is one of the easiest aspects of punctuation to fix, because there are clear guidelines:

  1. Start a new paragraph for each new speaker.
  2. Use a comma with a dialogue tag.
  3. Use a period with an action beat.
  4. Use question marks for questions.
  5. Use exclamation marks only when necessary.

Let’s discuss each of these guidelines.

1. Start a New Paragraph for each New Speaker

If you only remember one thing, remember this: each new speaker’s dialogue must start on a new line.

It sounds obvious, but I do sometimes see paragraphs like this:

“John, would you like a cup of tea?” Jane filled the kettle and turned it on. “I’d prefer coffee.”

That’s correct … if Jane is the only character speaking. But it seems odd that Jane would offer John tea and not coffee. The reader is likely to pause and wonder who wanted coffee—Jane or John. Using correct formatting and punctuation makes it clear who is speaking:

“John, would you like a cup of tea?” Jane filled the kettle and turned it on.
“I’d prefer coffee.”

Starting the second line of dialogue in a new paragraph makes it clear that it’s not Jane speaking.

3. 2. Use a Comma with a Dialogue Tag

The most well-known way of indicating which character is speaking is to use a dialogue tag such as said:

“Yes, I’d love a cup of tea,” John said.

Many writers don’t like using “said” for their speaker attributions—they say it gets boring. That might be true, but “said” is considered invisible to readers (although it often stands out in audiobooks).

Authors might be tempted to use creative alternatives to “said.” But these alternatives are often telling where the author should be showing:

“I’m sorry,” Jane apologised.

Yes, I’ve seen that. Instead, keep dialogue tags simple. Stick with:

  • Said
  • Asked
  • Shouted
  • Whispered

Obviously, you’ll only use “asked” for questions, and will restrict other tags to when the character is actually shouting or whispering.

Rather than overusing “said”, use action beats. Action beats show, rather than telling.

Instead, authors can avoid “said” by using action beats.

3. Use a Period with an Action Beat

There are several kinds of action beat, and they all use a period rather than a comma:

  • Action beat
  • Dialogue cue
  • Body language
  • Interior monologue

All use a period rather than a comma.

Action Beat

Action beats are small actions performed by the speaker, and used to both identify the speaker and provide the reader with an image to help them visualize the scene. For example:

“I don’t know.” Jane shrugged.

Shrugging is an action, so uses a period.

Sometimes people confuse dialogue tags with action beats, especially when sounds are involved. For example:

“I don’t know,” Jane laughed.

Laughing is an action, so this paragraph should use a period rather than a comma:

“I don’t know.” Jane laughed.

If you don’t believe me, try laughing and talking at the same time. It usually sounds false, or deranged. Other commonly misused action beats include:

  • Smiled
  • Shrugged
  • Nodded

Action beats follow the dialogue in the same paragraph, which means they are an effective way of showing who is speaking:

“Would you like a cookie with your coffee?” Jane placed a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the table.

This action beat makes it clear that Jane is the speaker. If the action beat was on a different line, it would imply one character spoke, and another performed the action:

“I’m sorry.”
Jane placed a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the table.

The issue here is that we don’t know who spoke—only that it wasn’t Anne. We still need to identify who apologised.

Dialogue Cue

Dialogue cues tell us something about the way the character is speaking, and it’s a way of sharing subtext:

“I’m sorry.” Jane’s voice was low and deep, and she reinforced her words with crossed arms and a scowl.

As you can see, we can also add body language to reinforce the image.

Body Language

Body language is a movement or physical reaction observed by the point of view character. Body language can be used to suggest emotion in other characters:

“I’m sorry.” Jane blushed.

The point of view character must be able to see the physical reaction. If the point of view character makes any assumptions about the speaker’s emotions, that assumption must be a logical follow-on from the body language that was observed. For example:

“I’m sorry.” Jane blushed. Poor woman. How embarrassing, inviting John over for a drink and not having any coffee in the house.

People tend to blush when they’re embarrassed, so that makes sense. This does not:

“I’m sorry.” Jane blushed. She must be annoyed with herself.

If Jane was annoyed with herself, I’d imagine she’d sigh or shake her head, not blush.

Interior Monologue

If the point of view character is speaking, then it does’t make sense to show emotion through body language or dialogue cues. Instead, use interior monologue:

“I’m sorry.” Sure, Jane was sorry. Sorry she’d invited John over.

Or we can use an action beat, with or without a beat of interior monologue:

“I’m sorry.” Jane rolled her eyes.

What we shouldn’t do is fall into the trap of telling the emotion:

“I’m sorry.” Jane felt embarrassed.

4. Use Question Marks for Questions

If a character is asking a question, use a question mark:

“Would you like a cup of coffee?” Jane asked.

My preference is to use “asked” with a question, but I have also seen “said” used:

“Would you like a cup of coffee?” Jane said.

Remember, questions tend to start with “W” words:

  • Who
  • What
  • Where
  • When
  • Why
  • Would
  • How

Yes, I sometimes see question marks on sentences that aren’t questions. Small errors like this with important, as the reader will often stop reading to go back and see if they’ve missed something … and that’s not good.

You can use a question mark with a dialogue tag (as above), or with an action beat:

“Would you like a cup of coffee?” Jane reached for the kettle.

 5. Use Exclamation Marks only when Necessary

If a character is shouting, you can use an exclamation mark:

“Fire!” Jane shouted.

Again, you can use an exclamation mark with a dialogue tag or with an action beat:

“Fire!” Jane ran for the door.

However, don’t use too many exclamation marks—one per chapter is usually more than enough. Like adverbs, they’re easy to overuse, and using too many is often considered the sign of an inexperienced writer.

Watever you do, don’t combine an exclamation mark with a telling tag:

“The house is on fire!” Jane exclaimed.

It’s a subtle and unnecessary form of repetition.

Those are the five main guidelines around punctuating dialogue in fiction. What’s your personal punctuation bugbear?

This post is part of the monthly Author ToolBox Blog Hop, organised by Raimey Gallant. We now have over 40 blogs participating. To find more Blog Hop posts: