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Three Tips for Writing Strong Action Beats

Dialogue Tags | Three Tips for Writing Strong Action Beats

Last week, I discussed why “said” is the most effective speaker attribution. No, I’m not a fan of creative dialogue tags (she apologised unrepentantly).

But using “said” all the time can get boring and repetitive, and we don’t want our fiction to be boring or repetitive. What can we do?

Fortunately, there are several alternatives to said. These include:

  • Action beats
  • Dialogue cues
  • Interior monologue

Today I’m going to discuss action beats, and suggest three tips for writing strong action beats.

Action Beats

Action beats are used in fiction to break up the dialogue and Browne and King define action beats as:

The bits of action interspersed throughout a scene, such as a character walking to a window … Usually they involve physical gestures.

The advantage of using an action beat over a speaker attribution is that the action beat serves multiple purposes:

  • It breaks up the dialogue.
  • It tells the reader who is speaking.
  • It shows the reader something about the scene.
  • It provides a sense of progression and movement.
  • It also gets away from the perceived problem of overusing the boring “said”.

An action beat is visible, so it can be an action performed by the point of view character (when the point of view character is the speaker), or observed by the point of view character (when the point of view character isn’t the speaker).

There are three common problems with using action beats as dialogue tags:

  • Combining speaker attributions and action beats.
  • Using boring action beats.
  • Using too many action beats.

Combining Speaker Attributions and Action Beats

There is no need for a speaker attribution if you’re also using an action beat, because the action beat fulfils the role of the speaker attribution. For example:

“I’m sorry,” Jane said, and looked at the floor.

Becomes:

“I’m sorry.” Jane looked at the floor.

Cutting the speaker attribution will tighten the writing and improve the pace.

Using Boring Action Beats

An action beat is your opportunity to show what is happening. But many authors use the same action beats over and over, to the point when they become boring. For example:

  • Jack blinked.
  • Jack nodded.
  • Jack shrugged.
  • Jack smiled.

It’s not that there is anything wrong with any of these beats. The issue is they tend to be overused—one original smile shows something about the character. One hundred smiles shows nothing. The trick is to take the plain “she smiled” and expand it to a more powerful smile, one that shows the reader more about the character.

There was nothing happy about Jack’s smile. It was more Hannibal Lecter meets The Joker.

Or:

Jack smiled a slow smile, a smile that said he had all the time in the world and nowhere else he’d rather be.

The right smile (or nod or shrug or blink) will obviously depend on your character and the specific scene. Play around with your actions, and see how you can strengthen your action beats. If you can’t strengthen them, can you use a speaker attribution, a line of interior monologue, or a dialogue cue instead?

Sometimes authors take these boring but functional action beats and turn them into telling:

  • Jack blinked in confusion.
  • Jack nodded in agreement.
  • Jack shrugged indecisively.

Why are these telling? Because they are not visual, or because they are predictable. What does a confused blink look like? When do we nod except in agreement? Again, use your imagination to see how you can strengthen your action beats and use them to deepen character and move the plot forward.

Jack blinked long and slow, so long and slow she could have fallen asleep between one blink and the next.

Or:

Jack blinked twice and his left eye crinkled at the corner. Jane was sure he had no idea what she was talking about. Typical.

Or perhaps Jack doesn’t blink at all (and perhaps he’s not confused):

Jack looked left, right, up, down. Anywhere but at her. Either he had no idea what she was talking about, or he was trying to dream up a convincing lie. He looked up and left again, his usual tell when he was trying to come up with a creative yet convincing response. That look said he was guilty. Big surprise. Not.

Boring action beats make excellent placeholders in you first draft, because they don’t require any thought. But ensure that you revise the boring beats into something fresh when you edit. Use action beats, interior monologue, or dialogue cues to better show the action and emotion.

Even better, use body language to show the emotion—what’s going on behind the scene. The following resources will help you come up with fresh action beats to better show emotion:

Using Too Many Action Beats

Some authors pepper their dialogue with action beats, to the point where the dialogue becomes a ping-pong match. Remember, the purpose of the action beat is to identify who is speaking and make the scene visible.

For example:

“Hi.” Jake lifted a hand in greeting. “How are you?” He put his hand in his pocket. “I haven’t seen you around for a while.” He looked away, unable to meet my eyes. Was he embarrassed?

For example:

“Hi.” Jake lifted a hand in greeting. “How are you?” He put his hand in his pocket. “I haven’t seen you around for a while.” He looked away, unable to meet my eyes. Was he embarrassed?

Instead, pare back the action beats to focus on what’s important:

“Hi, Jane. How are you?” Jake looked past me, unable to meet my eyes. “I haven’t seen you around in a while.”

As James Scott Bell points out:

Too many action tags will wear the reader out. Variety is called for, and often the best choice is no tag at all.

So ensure your action beats add to the scene, rather than taking away from it.

 

I’ll be back next week to discuss two more alternatives to “said”—interior monologue, and dialogue cues.

 

Why "Said" is the most effective speaker attribution

WriteTips | Why “Said” is the Most Effective Speaker Attribution

Last week, I shared some tips for writing believable dialogue, given that dialogue is one of the main ways we can show plot movement and characterisation in a novel. But no discussion around dialogue is complete without adding advice on dialogue tags.

Dialogue tags are how we indicate to readers which character is speaking.

There are four main types of dialogue tags:

  • Speaker attributions
  • Action beats
  • Internal monologue
  • Dialogue cues

This post will focus on speaker attributions, and I’ll discuss the others next week.

Speaker Attributions

The most common dialogue tag is the speaker attribution, and the most common speaker attribution is “said”.

Said is invisible (mostly).

Other common speaker attributions include:

  • Asked: when the character is asking a question (some authors use “said” for questions, but I don’t always think that’s a smooth read).
  • Whispered: when a character is whispering.
  • Shouted: when a character is shouting.

You might prefer to use yelled instead of shouted. Shouted can sound unnecessarily formal—it depends on your genre, your writing voice, and your character voice. I suspect I shout, but my teenagers yell. Or it may be enough to use an exclamation mark to indicate shouting (or yelling).

Many authors feel that using said all the time is boring. It can feel that way, especially if you’re reading your manuscript aloud or listening to an audiobook. If you don’t want to use said, then use one of the other three types of dialogue tag. The important thing is to ensure your reader knows who is speaking, and that you’re able to give the reader that information without breaking the flow of the story.

Creative Speaker Attributions

Some authors like to use alternative speaker attributions. I see two problems with these:

  • Some alternatives are actually action beats or dialogue cues, and should be punctuated as such (click here to read my advice on how to punctuate dialogue in fiction).
  • Other alternatives are what Browne and King call these creative dialogue tags and what Margie Lawson calls them telling tags. They are telling where the narrative should be showing. And that’s rarely a good idea.
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Let’s look at some examples.

She laughed.

Have you ever tried laughing while you talk? It’s possible … but very unattractive, and whatever you say is likely to be unintelligible. Try it. Then revise your work to show how your character is actually talking. For example, instead of:

“That’s so funny,” she laughed.

Try:

“That … that’s …” She was laughing so hard that she couldn’t get the words out. “That’s so … so funny.”

No, that’s not going to win any prizes. But it does a better job of showing the character than a boring “she laughed”.

She smiled.

Yes, it’s possible to smile while you talk, but I always end up feeling like Tour Guide Barbie. It’s not a natural use of my facial muscles. Smiling is an action, not a way of talking.

She cried.

Crying is an action. Sure, we can talk while we’re crying (which is difficult if not impossible to do while we’re laughing), but the two actions are separate. We talk. We cry.

In earlier days, authors would use “she cried” as a dialogue tag and we all understood it was referring to tone. But modern readers might not understand that. When my daughter was about ten, she was reading a novel which used “she cried” a lot. My daughter took this literally, and asked me why Jane cried so much.

She barked.

Dogs bark. I suppose wolves and foxes bark as well. But we generally consider that people who bark have mental health issues. Or they might be weredogs or other werecreatures (if you’re writing paranormal).

Yes, an army officer might “bark” an order. But take the opportunity to use a dialogue tag to show us the character’s voice: is that bark the bark of a guard dog, a farm dog or a lap dog? Golden retriever, Shu-Tsu, or mutt?

“Now!” The CO’s words were a deep bark with a hint of warning, more Alsatian guard dog than happy Labrador welcome.

She whined.

Again, this might be appropriate if you’re writing about weredogs or werewolves. But for humans, whining is describing the tone of voice. It’s a dialogue cue.

Instead of:

“I don’t want to go to bed,” Jane whined.

Try:

“I don’t want to go to bed,” Jane said with that annoying whine in her voice, the whine that shifted my mindset from Mary Poppins to Bad Nanny.

Get the Dialogue Tags Right

Avoid using adverbs in your dialogue tags. They are almost always telling when you should be showing. For example:

“I’m sorry,” Jane said nervously.

Such tags are often referred to as Tom Swifty’s, from the Tom Swift novels of the 1910s. Some are amusing to the point of being ridiculous:

“Is it nuclear?” Tom asked glowingly.

Sometimes they are repeating the dialogue, which can be the sign of a less confident writer. Trust that your dialogue is strong enough.

“I’m sorry,” Jane said apologetically.

Yes, I have seen that in a manuscript. The reader will assume from the dialogue that Jane is apologetic. If she isn’t, use an action beat or dialogue cue to show us how she is feeling:

“I’m sorry.” Jane stared at the floor.
“I’m sorry.” Jane rolled her eyes.

In the same vein, don’t use the dialogue tag to telegraph what the dialogue is about to show:

“I’m sorry.” Changing the subject, Jane asked, “When’s breakfast?”

Either the reader is clever enough to notice the speaker has changed the subject … or the speaker didn’t change the subject (in which case, you need to strengthen the dialogue). That’s stronger writing. Relying on a telling tag is weak writing.

Other Dialogue Tips

In general, it’s best to start the paragraph with dialogue (action), then add the speaker attribution (or other dialogue tag) in a logical break in the  dialogue.

In most cases, start the speaker attribution with the character’s name:

“I’m sorry,” Jane said.

Writing the attribution the other way around reads as old-fashioned and a little childish:

“I’m sorry,” said Jane.

We haven’t used “said he” since around 1900. But if you’re writing historical fiction set in Victorian England or Gilded Age America (or earlier), then the “said Jane” formation might be a subtle way of reinforcing your setting.

Yes, you can occasionally break any or all of these rules, But break them knowingly, with purpose, for literary effect. And do it rarely.

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Yes, using “said” all the time can get boring. But this isn’t a reason to use alternatives to said. Instead, it’s a reason to use action beats, body language, and dialogue cues.

We’ll discuss those next week.