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Three Tips for Writing Strong Action Beats

Dialogue Tags | Three Tips for Writing Strong Action Beats

Last week, I discussed why “said” is the most effective speaker attribution. No, I’m not a fan of creative dialogue tags (she apologised unrepentantly).

But using “said” all the time can get boring and repetitive, and we don’t want our fiction to be boring or repetitive. What can we do?

Fortunately, there are several alternatives to said. These include:

  • Action beats
  • Dialogue cues
  • Interior monologue

Today I’m going to discuss action beats, and suggest three tips for writing strong action beats.

Action Beats

Action beats are used in fiction to break up the dialogue and Browne and King define action beats as:

The bits of action interspersed throughout a scene, such as a character walking to a window … Usually they involve physical gestures.

The advantage of using an action beat over a speaker attribution is that the action beat serves multiple purposes:

  • It breaks up the dialogue.
  • It tells the reader who is speaking.
  • It shows the reader something about the scene.
  • It provides a sense of progression and movement.
  • It also gets away from the perceived problem of overusing the boring “said”.

An action beat is visible, so it can be an action performed by the point of view character (when the point of view character is the speaker), or observed by the point of view character (when the point of view character isn’t the speaker).

There are three common problems with using action beats as dialogue tags:

  • Combining speaker attributions and action beats.
  • Using boring action beats.
  • Using too many action beats.

Combining Speaker Attributions and Action Beats

There is no need for a speaker attribution if you’re also using an action beat, because the action beat fulfils the role of the speaker attribution. For example:

“I’m sorry,” Jane said, and looked at the floor.

Becomes:

“I’m sorry.” Jane looked at the floor.

Cutting the speaker attribution will tighten the writing and improve the pace.

Using Boring Action Beats

An action beat is your opportunity to show what is happening. But many authors use the same action beats over and over, to the point when they become boring. For example:

  • Jack blinked.
  • Jack nodded.
  • Jack shrugged.
  • Jack smiled.

It’s not that there is anything wrong with any of these beats. The issue is they tend to be overused—one original smile shows something about the character. One hundred smiles shows nothing. The trick is to take the plain “she smiled” and expand it to a more powerful smile, one that shows the reader more about the character.

There was nothing happy about Jack’s smile. It was more Hannibal Lecter meets The Joker.

Or:

Jack smiled a slow smile, a smile that said he had all the time in the world and nowhere else he’d rather be.

The right smile (or nod or shrug or blink) will obviously depend on your character and the specific scene. Play around with your actions, and see how you can strengthen your action beats. If you can’t strengthen them, can you use a speaker attribution, a line of interior monologue, or a dialogue cue instead?

Sometimes authors take these boring but functional action beats and turn them into telling:

  • Jack blinked in confusion.
  • Jack nodded in agreement.
  • Jack shrugged indecisively.

Why are these telling? Because they are not visual, or because they are predictable. What does a confused blink look like? When do we nod except in agreement? Again, use your imagination to see how you can strengthen your action beats and use them to deepen character and move the plot forward.

Jack blinked long and slow, so long and slow she could have fallen asleep between one blink and the next.

Or:

Jack blinked twice and his left eye crinkled at the corner. Jane was sure he had no idea what she was talking about. Typical.

Or perhaps Jack doesn’t blink at all (and perhaps he’s not confused):

Jack looked left, right, up, down. Anywhere but at her. Either he had no idea what she was talking about, or he was trying to dream up a convincing lie. He looked up and left again, his usual tell when he was trying to come up with a creative yet convincing response. That look said he was guilty. Big surprise. Not.

Boring action beats make excellent placeholders in you first draft, because they don’t require any thought. But ensure that you revise the boring beats into something fresh when you edit. Use action beats, interior monologue, or dialogue cues to better show the action and emotion.

Even better, use body language to show the emotion—what’s going on behind the scene. The following resources will help you come up with fresh action beats to better show emotion:

Using Too Many Action Beats

Some authors pepper their dialogue with action beats, to the point where the dialogue becomes a ping-pong match. Remember, the purpose of the action beat is to identify who is speaking and make the scene visible.

For example:

“Hi.” Jake lifted a hand in greeting. “How are you?” He put his hand in his pocket. “I haven’t seen you around for a while.” He looked away, unable to meet my eyes. Was he embarrassed?

For example:

“Hi.” Jake lifted a hand in greeting. “How are you?” He put his hand in his pocket. “I haven’t seen you around for a while.” He looked away, unable to meet my eyes. Was he embarrassed?

Instead, pare back the action beats to focus on what’s important:

“Hi, Jane. How are you?” Jake looked past me, unable to meet my eyes. “I haven’t seen you around in a while.”

As James Scott Bell points out:

Too many action tags will wear the reader out. Variety is called for, and often the best choice is no tag at all.

So ensure your action beats add to the scene, rather than taking away from it.

 

I’ll be back next week to discuss two more alternatives to “said”—interior monologue, and dialogue cues.

 

Why "Said" is the most effective speaker attribution

WriteTips | Why “Said” is the Most Effective Speaker Attribution

Last week, I shared some tips for writing believable dialogue, given that dialogue is one of the main ways we can show plot movement and characterisation in a novel. But no discussion around dialogue is complete without adding advice on dialogue tags.

Dialogue tags are how we indicate to readers which character is speaking.

There are four main types of dialogue tags:

  • Speaker attributions
  • Action beats
  • Internal monologue
  • Dialogue cues

This post will focus on speaker attributions, and I’ll discuss the others next week.

Speaker Attributions

The most common dialogue tag is the speaker attribution, and the most common speaker attribution is “said”.

Said is invisible (mostly).

Other common speaker attributions include:

  • Asked: when the character is asking a question (some authors use “said” for questions, but I don’t always think that’s a smooth read).
  • Whispered: when a character is whispering.
  • Shouted: when a character is shouting.

You might prefer to use yelled instead of shouted. Shouted can sound unnecessarily formal—it depends on your genre, your writing voice, and your character voice. I suspect I shout, but my teenagers yell. Or it may be enough to use an exclamation mark to indicate shouting (or yelling).

Many authors feel that using said all the time is boring. It can feel that way, especially if you’re reading your manuscript aloud or listening to an audiobook. If you don’t want to use said, then use one of the other three types of dialogue tag. The important thing is to ensure your reader knows who is speaking, and that you’re able to give the reader that information without breaking the flow of the story.

Creative Speaker Attributions

Some authors like to use alternative speaker attributions. I see two problems with these:

  • Some alternatives are actually action beats or dialogue cues, and should be punctuated as such (click here to read my advice on how to punctuate dialogue in fiction).
  • Other alternatives are what Browne and King call these creative dialogue tags and what Margie Lawson calls them telling tags. They are telling where the narrative should be showing. And that’s rarely a good idea.
WriteTips | Why “Said” is the Most Effective Speaker Attribution Share on X

Let’s look at some examples.

She laughed.

Have you ever tried laughing while you talk? It’s possible … but very unattractive, and whatever you say is likely to be unintelligible. Try it. Then revise your work to show how your character is actually talking. For example, instead of:

“That’s so funny,” she laughed.

Try:

“That … that’s …” She was laughing so hard that she couldn’t get the words out. “That’s so … so funny.”

No, that’s not going to win any prizes. But it does a better job of showing the character than a boring “she laughed”.

She smiled.

Yes, it’s possible to smile while you talk, but I always end up feeling like Tour Guide Barbie. It’s not a natural use of my facial muscles. Smiling is an action, not a way of talking.

She cried.

Crying is an action. Sure, we can talk while we’re crying (which is difficult if not impossible to do while we’re laughing), but the two actions are separate. We talk. We cry.

In earlier days, authors would use “she cried” as a dialogue tag and we all understood it was referring to tone. But modern readers might not understand that. When my daughter was about ten, she was reading a novel which used “she cried” a lot. My daughter took this literally, and asked me why Jane cried so much.

She barked.

Dogs bark. I suppose wolves and foxes bark as well. But we generally consider that people who bark have mental health issues. Or they might be weredogs or other werecreatures (if you’re writing paranormal).

Yes, an army officer might “bark” an order. But take the opportunity to use a dialogue tag to show us the character’s voice: is that bark the bark of a guard dog, a farm dog or a lap dog? Golden retriever, Shu-Tsu, or mutt?

“Now!” The CO’s words were a deep bark with a hint of warning, more Alsatian guard dog than happy Labrador welcome.

She whined.

Again, this might be appropriate if you’re writing about weredogs or werewolves. But for humans, whining is describing the tone of voice. It’s a dialogue cue.

Instead of:

“I don’t want to go to bed,” Jane whined.

Try:

“I don’t want to go to bed,” Jane said with that annoying whine in her voice, the whine that shifted my mindset from Mary Poppins to Bad Nanny.

Get the Dialogue Tags Right

Avoid using adverbs in your dialogue tags. They are almost always telling when you should be showing. For example:

“I’m sorry,” Jane said nervously.

Such tags are often referred to as Tom Swifty’s, from the Tom Swift novels of the 1910s. Some are amusing to the point of being ridiculous:

“Is it nuclear?” Tom asked glowingly.

Sometimes they are repeating the dialogue, which can be the sign of a less confident writer. Trust that your dialogue is strong enough.

“I’m sorry,” Jane said apologetically.

Yes, I have seen that in a manuscript. The reader will assume from the dialogue that Jane is apologetic. If she isn’t, use an action beat or dialogue cue to show us how she is feeling:

“I’m sorry.” Jane stared at the floor.
“I’m sorry.” Jane rolled her eyes.

In the same vein, don’t use the dialogue tag to telegraph what the dialogue is about to show:

“I’m sorry.” Changing the subject, Jane asked, “When’s breakfast?”

Either the reader is clever enough to notice the speaker has changed the subject … or the speaker didn’t change the subject (in which case, you need to strengthen the dialogue). That’s stronger writing. Relying on a telling tag is weak writing.

Other Dialogue Tips

In general, it’s best to start the paragraph with dialogue (action), then add the speaker attribution (or other dialogue tag) in a logical break in the  dialogue.

In most cases, start the speaker attribution with the character’s name:

“I’m sorry,” Jane said.

Writing the attribution the other way around reads as old-fashioned and a little childish:

“I’m sorry,” said Jane.

We haven’t used “said he” since around 1900. But if you’re writing historical fiction set in Victorian England or Gilded Age America (or earlier), then the “said Jane” formation might be a subtle way of reinforcing your setting.

Yes, you can occasionally break any or all of these rules, But break them knowingly, with purpose, for literary effect. And do it rarely.

WriteTips | Why “Said” is the Most Effective Speaker Attribution Share on X

Yes, using “said” all the time can get boring. But this isn’t a reason to use alternatives to said. Instead, it’s a reason to use action beats, body language, and dialogue cues.

We’ll discuss those next week.

Punctuation in Fiction

Punctuation 101 | Other Punctuation in Fiction

Over the last two weeks we’ve covered comma usage and the punctuation of dialogue in fiction. Today I’m going to discuss seven less common punctuation marks, and how they’re used in modern fiction:

  • Brackets (Parentheses)
  • Colon
  • Ellipsis
  • Em-Dash
  • En-Dash
  • Hyphen
  • Semicolon

Note that I am focussing on the use of these punctuation marks in modern fiction i.e. fiction published within the last ten years.

You may well see different usage in older books. This usage may still be considered grammatically correct, or it may now be considered dated (e.g. using quotation marks for unspoken thought, as I discussed last week). But if you’re trying to get published now, you need to understand current trends and guidelines.

Brackets (Parenetheses)

Technically, [these] are brackets, while (these) are parentheses. No, most people don’t know the difference (including most of my teachers at school).

Parentheses are used to provide additional information that’s not necessary for the reader to know in order to understand the sentence. The sentence should still make sense without the section in parentheses.

Parentheses are more common in nonfiction than in fiction.

I do occasionally read a modern novel that uses parentheses. However, they tend to be novels written in first person, where the point of view character has a strong and quirky voice, so it feels as though they are talking directly to the reader. Parentheses can also be used if the character is writing a text message, email, or diary entry.

Colon

A colon (:) may be used to separate two independent clauses in a way that’s less final than a full stop (period). It’s often used when the second independent clause amplifies or explains the first. For example:

I don’t like Monday: Sunday is my favourite day of the week.

A colon can also be used to signal a quotation (as I used before the above example), or to introduce a list:

I love flowers: carnations, daisies, lavender, roses. I love them all.

As you can see, there are clear grammatical use for the colon. However, colons have fallen out of favour in modern fiction—I don’t recall the last novel I read that used a colon. It has generally been replaced by the em-dash.

Ellipsis …

Ellipsis is the correct name for the series of dots we sometimes see. For example:

“I … I don’t know.”

As you can see, the ellipsis indicate stuttering or repetition, and may indicate indecision. If the ellipsis falls at the end of the dialogue, it usually indicates a trailing off off speech, as though the character doesn’t know what to say:

“This feels wrong, but I don’t know why …”

As with any punctuation mark, it’s best not to overuse the ellipsis. This is especially important in dialogue, as too many ellipses can make the character appear stupid.

Note that the ellipsis is always three dots, never less and never more.

Some style guides permit the use of a period after an ellipsis, which can make it look as though the ellipsis has four dots. But this is only used in specific situations around quotations, so is unlikely to be relevant to fiction authors.

There are two ways to type an ellipsis. The Chicago Manual of Style (CMOS 13.50) uses three spaced periods, with a space before and after the ellipsis:

” . . . I don’t know.”

Note that the ellipsis should use nonbreaking spaces—otherwise, the ellipsis can end up breaking across two lines in the final book (or on the e-reader).

Other style manuals use the ellipsis glyph, which is Alt-0133 on a PC and Cmd-0133 on an Apple i.e. hold down the Alt or Cmd key while typing “0151”. This shows as one character, and generally has a space before and after.

Em-Dash —

The em-dash gets its name from the fact it is approximately the length of the letter “m”. It has several uses in modern fiction.

The em-dash can be used in place of a colon:

I don’t like Monday—Sunday is my favourite day of the week.

The em-dash can be used instead of parentheses (which are rarely used in fiction).

I love flowers: carnations, daisies, lavender, roses. I love them all.

My one proviso in using the em-dash instead of parentheses is to make sure you don’t end the sentence on an em-dash, as running and em-dash and period together looks odd.

The em-dash can be used to indicate a character’s dialogue is interrupted:

“Why didn’t you buy—”
“They were out of stock.”

Note that there is no terminal punctuation at the end of the first speaker’s dialogue:

“Why didn’t you buy—.”

This is wrong, because the character hasn’t finished speaking. Sometimes a writer will use an em-dash at the end of one line and the beginning of another, to indicate one character talking over another:

“Why didn’t you—”
“They were out of stock.”
“—buy takeaways for dinner?”

Okay, so that’s not a great example. But you can see what I mean.

The fact there are several correct uses for the em-dash can mean it is overused. As with any punctuation mark, it’s important not to overuse the em-dash.

Some computers and software will automatically insert an em-dash when you type two consecutive hyphens. If not, you can force an em-dash using Alt-0151 on a PC and Cmd-0151 on an Apple. There are generally no spaces before or after an em-dash.

En-Dash

An en-dash is approximately the length of the letter “n”, which means it’s longer than a hyphen but shorter than an em-dash.

An en-dash is used to show some kind of range:

  • Dates: 1993–2000
  • Bible verses: John 1:1–14
  • Citations: Chapters 3–5
  • Directions: the London–Dover train
  • An unfinished number range: 1969–
  • Campus locations: the University of Wisconsin–Madison

You can find more information in CMOS 6.78–84.

You can create an en-dash using Alt-0150 on a PC and Cmd-0150 on an Apple.

Hyphen

If you’re anything like me (or how I used to be, before I studied editing), you use the hyphen where you now know you should be using the en-dash or em-dash. But the hyphen still has many uses. In fact, the hyphenation table in the latest edition of the Chicago Manual of Style is several pages long (CMOS 7.89).

The most common uses for the hyphen are:

  • Adjectival phrases: over-the-counter pharmaceuticals
  • Compounds: mass-produced, three-year-old child

The rules for compounds are complex, but there are four main principles to remember:

  1. Check the dictionary. If the word is hyphenated in the dictionary, use a hyphen.
  2. Compounds with -ly adverbs are not hyphenated: she was highly paid, not highly-paid.
  3. Many compounds are hyphenated before the noun, but not after. For example: she was a computer-literate student, but the student was computer literate.
  4. If you’re not sure, pick a style and be consistent: use email or e-mail, but don’t use both in the same document.

Semicolon

The semi-colon is another punctuation mark that can be used to separate two independent clauses. The separation is less final than a period or even a colon.

The semi-colon may also be used in complex lists, although that’s more common in nonfiction. Having said that, it’s probably more common to use bullet points for complex lists, as they’re easier to read.

 

Note that these guidelines are specifically for modern fiction, and reflects the trends I see in the books I read. We haven’t abandoned the colon or semi-colon. It’s more that they’re not commonly seen in modern fiction.

That isn’t to say you can’t use them. But if you do use them, use them correctly.

What other questions do you have around punctuation?

How to punctuate dialogue

How to Punctuate Dialogue in Fiction (an #AuthorToolBoxBlogHop post)

Every now and again, I come across a self-published novel where the author doesn’t know how to punctuate dialogue correctly. This can make it difficult for the reader to follow the conversation, because it’s hard to work out which character is talking.

The good news is that this is one of the easiest aspects of punctuation to fix, because there are clear guidelines:

  1. Start a new paragraph for each new speaker.
  2. Use a comma with a dialogue tag.
  3. Use a period with an action beat.
  4. Use question marks for questions.
  5. Use exclamation marks only when necessary.

Let’s discuss each of these guidelines.

1. Start a New Paragraph for each New Speaker

If you only remember one thing, remember this: each new speaker’s dialogue must start on a new line.

It sounds obvious, but I do sometimes see paragraphs like this:

“John, would you like a cup of tea?” Jane filled the kettle and turned it on. “I’d prefer coffee.”

That’s correct … if Jane is the only character speaking. But it seems odd that Jane would offer John tea and not coffee. The reader is likely to pause and wonder who wanted coffee—Jane or John. Using correct formatting and punctuation makes it clear who is speaking:

“John, would you like a cup of tea?” Jane filled the kettle and turned it on.
“I’d prefer coffee.”

Starting the second line of dialogue in a new paragraph makes it clear that it’s not Jane speaking.

3. 2. Use a Comma with a Dialogue Tag

The most well-known way of indicating which character is speaking is to use a dialogue tag such as said:

“Yes, I’d love a cup of tea,” John said.

Many writers don’t like using “said” for their speaker attributions—they say it gets boring. That might be true, but “said” is considered invisible to readers (although it often stands out in audiobooks).

Authors might be tempted to use creative alternatives to “said.” But these alternatives are often telling where the author should be showing:

“I’m sorry,” Jane apologised.

Yes, I’ve seen that. Instead, keep dialogue tags simple. Stick with:

  • Said
  • Asked
  • Shouted
  • Whispered

Obviously, you’ll only use “asked” for questions, and will restrict other tags to when the character is actually shouting or whispering.

Rather than overusing “said”, use action beats. Action beats show, rather than telling.

Instead, authors can avoid “said” by using action beats.

3. Use a Period with an Action Beat

There are several kinds of action beat, and they all use a period rather than a comma:

  • Action beat
  • Dialogue cue
  • Body language
  • Interior monologue

All use a period rather than a comma.

Action Beat

Action beats are small actions performed by the speaker, and used to both identify the speaker and provide the reader with an image to help them visualize the scene. For example:

“I don’t know.” Jane shrugged.

Shrugging is an action, so uses a period.

Sometimes people confuse dialogue tags with action beats, especially when sounds are involved. For example:

“I don’t know,” Jane laughed.

Laughing is an action, so this paragraph should use a period rather than a comma:

“I don’t know.” Jane laughed.

If you don’t believe me, try laughing and talking at the same time. It usually sounds false, or deranged. Other commonly misused action beats include:

  • Smiled
  • Shrugged
  • Nodded

Action beats follow the dialogue in the same paragraph, which means they are an effective way of showing who is speaking:

“Would you like a cookie with your coffee?” Jane placed a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the table.

This action beat makes it clear that Jane is the speaker. If the action beat was on a different line, it would imply one character spoke, and another performed the action:

“I’m sorry.”
Jane placed a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the table.

The issue here is that we don’t know who spoke—only that it wasn’t Anne. We still need to identify who apologised.

Dialogue Cue

Dialogue cues tell us something about the way the character is speaking, and it’s a way of sharing subtext:

“I’m sorry.” Jane’s voice was low and deep, and she reinforced her words with crossed arms and a scowl.

As you can see, we can also add body language to reinforce the image.

Body Language

Body language is a movement or physical reaction observed by the point of view character. Body language can be used to suggest emotion in other characters:

“I’m sorry.” Jane blushed.

The point of view character must be able to see the physical reaction. If the point of view character makes any assumptions about the speaker’s emotions, that assumption must be a logical follow-on from the body language that was observed. For example:

“I’m sorry.” Jane blushed. Poor woman. How embarrassing, inviting John over for a drink and not having any coffee in the house.

People tend to blush when they’re embarrassed, so that makes sense. This does not:

“I’m sorry.” Jane blushed. She must be annoyed with herself.

If Jane was annoyed with herself, I’d imagine she’d sigh or shake her head, not blush.

Interior Monologue

If the point of view character is speaking, then it does’t make sense to show emotion through body language or dialogue cues. Instead, use interior monologue:

“I’m sorry.” Sure, Jane was sorry. Sorry she’d invited John over.

Or we can use an action beat, with or without a beat of interior monologue:

“I’m sorry.” Jane rolled her eyes.

What we shouldn’t do is fall into the trap of telling the emotion:

“I’m sorry.” Jane felt embarrassed.

4. Use Question Marks for Questions

If a character is asking a question, use a question mark:

“Would you like a cup of coffee?” Jane asked.

My preference is to use “asked” with a question, but I have also seen “said” used:

“Would you like a cup of coffee?” Jane said.

Remember, questions tend to start with “W” words:

  • Who
  • What
  • Where
  • When
  • Why
  • Would
  • How

Yes, I sometimes see question marks on sentences that aren’t questions. Small errors like this with important, as the reader will often stop reading to go back and see if they’ve missed something … and that’s not good.

You can use a question mark with a dialogue tag (as above), or with an action beat:

“Would you like a cup of coffee?” Jane reached for the kettle.

 5. Use Exclamation Marks only when Necessary

If a character is shouting, you can use an exclamation mark:

“Fire!” Jane shouted.

Again, you can use an exclamation mark with a dialogue tag or with an action beat:

“Fire!” Jane ran for the door.

However, don’t use too many exclamation marks—one per chapter is usually more than enough. Like adverbs, they’re easy to overuse, and using too many is often considered the sign of an inexperienced writer.

Watever you do, don’t combine an exclamation mark with a telling tag:

“The house is on fire!” Jane exclaimed.

It’s a subtle and unnecessary form of repetition.

Those are the five main guidelines around punctuating dialogue in fiction. What’s your personal punctuation bugbear?

This post is part of the monthly Author ToolBox Blog Hop, organised by Raimey Gallant. We now have over 40 blogs participating. To find more Blog Hop posts: